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Photo: Martha Williams

The 10 guys you'll meet on Tinder

Written by
Gina Pedroni
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It’s Friday night, and you’re waiting for your friends to arrive before you hit the town. You’ve got five minutes to spare, so you spend the time on Tinder looking for love or whatever it is you use the app for (cough, cough). Here are the 10 types of men you're going to meet on Tinder.

1. The Emoji Overuser

This guy uses an emoji for every other noun and will never forget to throw the pizza one in there, because who doesn’t love pizza, right? His bio consists of more images than words and he’s a bit quirky. If he’s attractive you’re in a conundrum: Is it okay for grown men to not use the English language in adult communication?

2. The Sexter

This guy doesn’t waste time and just cuts to the chase, which would normally be a good thing, but not in this case. He is utilizing Tinder for perhaps the way its testosterone-filled, under-laid developers intended: "DTF?" If he’s romantic, he’ll say “Hi” first with a smiley face. Usually he does not have a bio and only one picture. Swipe left unless emotionally unfulfilling relationships and midnight calls are your jam.

3. The Bathroom Selfie Poser

This guy has mastered the art of standing in front of a mirror and properly taking a full size picture which counts as talent…somewhere. If you’re lucky, you’ll get the 50 Shades of Grey version sans head, which honestly isn’t bad to look at. Smiles usually not included because he’s a serious guy. (And smiling in a mirror selfie might actually be a little weird anyway.) He’s also the guy to usually send, er, those pictures.

4. The Artist

This one is likely the guy you should be dating or at least chatting with to remind you that men can communicate; profile pictures of him staring off into the distance, head angled ever so slightly as to suggest, “I’m the most interesting man in the world but I’ll still cuddle, bring you flowers and talk about our feelings.” He usually never smiles except for the one picture that someone took of him when he was drunk with a horse mask on his head (like, why?). You can often find traveling, taking pictures and cats in his likes.

5. The Nice Guy

This guy really just does want to find a “nice” woman—usually divorced, perpetually single or just too busy for dating. He will post pictures of his family and his dog and talk about how he’s "not looking for anything casual so don’t DTF him." Swipe right just for the sake of all nice guys out there; you might be shocked to find that you CAN actually find someone to date on Tinder.

6. The I Think I'm Kanye But I'm Really Just a Verizon Sales Rep

This guy is the king of the car selfie, the sunglass selfie, the “I know how to wear a suit and be dashing” selfie and especially the “check out these muscles and my really bad tattoo" selfie. There is some crossover with the Bathroom Selfie Poser and Emoji Overuser. You will find yourself pausing because he usually has nice teeth and good teeth are a genetic must. The suit might make you swipe right after a few glasses, so never drink and swipe.

7. The Not Showing You My Face Guy

How do you know if this guy is attractive when you have no image to go off of, and he very rarely has his profile filled out? The single picture of the dog, random art, inspirational quote or… no picture at all is very telling. Just kidding—it really isn’t, and you should probably swipe left on the pure fact that this guy can’t even put in the time to fill out his information. How much attention is he really going to give you?

8. The Cupcake Profile

Whether it’s a cupcake, a banana or some character from Sesame Street… you KNOW this guy isn’t down for dating, mainly because he isn’t a real person. He’s been created just for shits and giggles, and yet if we logged into their Tinder they’d have more matches than any one person could want or need.

9. The “Where’s Waldo” Guy

There are ten pictures on his profile and all of them have anywhere between 3-15 other guys in them. Each photo will contain almost all of the same guys so you’re stuck trying to figure out which guy you’ll be talking to if you match up. The odds are not in your favor; swipe right at your own risk.

10. The I Look Good in the Tux That I Wore to My Wedding Guy

We’re not entirely sure this guy should even be on Tinder. His pictures are clearly from a wedding, which might even be his own. Pro tip: If the only picture you have available is from your previous marriage (provided the marriage has ended, because who can really be sure?) then you need to get new pictures taken. Really, there’s not a single picture out there that can be posted on your dating profile?

We forgot to mention the Unicorn. This guy has everything going for him: attractive, nice job, looks like he loves his mother. Why is he on Tinder? Your guess is as good as ours.

Brandy Gonsoulin also contributed to this post.

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