The holidays in Chicago are associated with a lot of things: Christkindlmarket and the cheery glow on everyone's faces, or the rushes of people at Macy's and on the Magnificent Mile looking to score last-minute presents. But for people who grew up in Chicago's suburbs, it also means going back to the dry, vanilla place that birthed you and talking to all of your friends who either recently returned or never left.
Here are 10 things your suburban friends will definitely say this holiday season, and what they actually mean.
"I'm just so fascinated by dibs." Translation: "I've never parked anywhere other than a garage or parking lot."
"Why are you still renting?" Translation: "Don't become trapped in 30-year mortgage like me."
"I kind of miss the food in the city." Translation: "If I have to eat at a TGI Fridays one more time, I'll blow my brains out."
"It must be tough not owning a car." Translation: "It must be nice to have a train/bus/taxi drive you everywhere you need to go."
"I heard you finally got an Olive Garden in Chicago." Translation: "I heard you have one less reason to come and visit me in Schaumburg."
"The Metra actually isn't that bad." Translation: "The Metra actually isn't that bad, as long as I remember to buy a couple beers to drink on the ride home."
"Dating in the suburbs is a little difficult." Translation: "I'm tired of meeting Tinder dates during happy hour at Applebee's."
"I don't miss how fast life in the city used to be." Translation: "I lament not being able to walk a block down the street from my apartment to get plastered at a bar."
"I just loving finally having a backyard." Translation: "I just hate the fact that I had to buy a lawnmower and waste hours every weekend mowing my lawn."
"Aren't you worried about getting mugged in the city?" Translation: "A S.W.A.T. team arrested my nephew for shoplifting from the local 7-Eleven."