If you grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, you're probably painfully aware of Zero Gravity, the Naperville nightclub that's open to only 16- to 24-year-olds. It's quite possibly the single trashiest place in the entire Chicago area, and it produces an endless stream of shameful photos of children dressed in garb that resembles apparel straight from an episode of Jersey Shore.
In a move that ought to bring a smile to the face of every discerning suburban father, the club announced that it will close for good later this month.
Zero Gravity, which markets itself as "Chicagoland's #1 young adult dance club," will host one final party on Saturday, March 19 to honor all of the people who have danced their pants off (sometimes literally) at the spot over the past two decades. But even as the Naperville location is closing its doors, gross teen dance parties will still find a way to thrive in the Chicago area. In a Facebook post, Zero Gravity's owners announced they're planning on opening a "bigger and newer club" next fall.
God help us all.