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Photograph: Tyler Curtis

Fun for dancing

Looking for nice dancing and smiling people? Go to crobar.

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DANCING PEOPLE There are lots of them at crobar.
Photos: Rob Zoom

I went to crobar the other night and it was so nice. My best friend Lucy and I were dressed to impress, and impress we did. There were people drinking and the lights were on and blinking and drinks. It was nice there.

Let me tell you, the fun we had. Danced and then drank drinks called appletinis, then talked to some nice people who were dressed to impress. We felt so nice. I wasn’t sure if it was the lights or the drinks or the dancing, but both Lucy and I looked tan in Chicago in the winter. What’s up with that? We liked it.

At one point a song was playing and it had this great rhythm so Lucy and I looked at each other, like, “We should be dancing,” so we went out onto the dance floor where all the people there were dressed well and some were smiling but some were serious. Lucy and I mostly danced with each other because we liked the rhythm, and we knew it would attract guys. Lucy met a guy so I said, “Go be with that guy,” and I danced with some of the smiling people.

I don’t think anyone recognized me as Miss USA, which might have hurt my feelings if I wasn’t feeling so nice. One of them asked me how I got so tan, and I said, “It’s the lights or maybe the drinks,” and then I said, “How did your hair get so dark?” But he just kind of smiled and kept on dancing with the other smiling people. I got another nice drink that tasted like apples dipped in alcohol.

The bathroom was great. So white.

After a while the lights got darker, which was nice. I sat on a barstool with nice padding. Lucy and the guy were off dancing but I couldn’t see them because it was darker. I sat there, smiling. In rehab they said that if we ever felt like we were getting out of control to go to a nice place in our brains where we could gain control. I gained it.

The DJs at crobar play music that is somewhere between techno and dance, with a little bit of rhythm thrown in. It’s the perfect place to go out and see people who are...

Read more in next week's issue of TOC: Trump On Chicago!

Is this some kind of joke? Yes, actually. The above was part of TOC's 2008 April Fool's issue. Read more about it here.

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