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Photograph: Martha WilliamsFried shrimp at Phil's Last Stand

Best Sit-Down Stand-Up Routine | Eat Out Awards 2013

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Phil Ashbach at Phil’s Last Stand

You could go to this dive for its late-night hours (open until 4am on weekends), for its crispy fried shrimp, or for its greasy char burgers. We go for the often hilarious, always inappropriate running commentary from owner Phil Ashbach, who, perched on a stool behind the counter, carries on a heavily one-sided dialogue with customers. Take, for instance, our most recent visit. First, Ashbach refused to take a six-year-old boy’s order for a hamburger unless the child correctly referred to it as a “Fatso” (Phil’s Last Stand’s preferred nomenclature). Then, Ashbach got into some story about how excited he was that a “Chinese guy was getting takeout from a Jew.” Finally, it was our turn to order a Double Fatso, and he just raised his eyebrows and muttered, “I love you.” The feeling is mutual. 2258 W Chicago Ave (773-245-3287).

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