Lollapalooza 2011, Saturday: The Pretty Reckless

Gossip Girl imp and Tim Gunn rival Taylor Momsen is about seven feet tall and Virginia Slims skinny. The blonde ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb fronts a jailbait hair-metal band alongside three hairy ringers twice her age, one of whom looks like James Hetfield. The girl can sing with Lita Ford throatiness, but her band oozes an unctuous melodicism that seems penned by a team of Hollywood writers. Momsen's hair spills all the way to her hips, which she swerves like a teenager with all the Flirty Girl Fitness DVDs. It's sleazy, and not in a good way. I can hear Vince Neal panting from all the way back in 1989 and I want a shower. I head over to Ellie Goulding instead. Now there's a blonde who's natural, and I"m not talking about L'Oréal dye.