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For anyone oblivious to the charms of Mongolian barbecue—or afraid of ending up with a bowl of oddly flavored mush—here are some suggestions for a fail-safe FTG experience: (1) Brown rice, not white. (2) Forget the meats—the tempeh, Quorn (mushroom meat), tofu, seitan and egg are all much tastier. (3) Sauce with one ladle of yellow curry, one ladle of vindaloo, a half ladle of chile paste, a half ladle of sesame soy and a spoonful of fresh jalapeño. (4) Just before handing over your masterpiece to be cooked, add a heaping spoonful of chopped peanuts and a stick signaling for roti bread. Then all that’s left to do is to head back to your seat and start sucking down that tasty mojito.