I cheated on my spouse

One reader's experience of being unfaithful.

Photograph by Sean Williams; Models: left, John Wilson; right, Travis Vulich/Ford

Female, 40, Lakeview
I was married for more than ten years and was feeling a bit unloved around the time I met a firefighter. We would meet up for coffee and talk. I was attracted to him because of his blue-collar attitude—very different from my husband. The firefighter made me laugh and feel relaxed.

I had an affair with him, which led to me being diagnosed with herpes. I can’t recall the exact reason I decided to go through with the affair, but I know I felt a lack of desire at home. We met up at hotels; I told my husband I was taking a class, meeting friends or having a girls’ weekend. The affair lasted nearly a year before I realized I had contracted an STD. I didn’t tell my husband for nearly six months; we hadn’t been intimate for quite some time.

Long story short, I was devastated and I went crazy at work. I was unfocused and fucking up basic projects. Everyday assignments just got to be too much. I was distracted by thoughts of where my marriage would end up or how my health would decline. I suffered panic attacks. I lost my job right before Thanksgiving, just as I moved out of my condo during the separation.

Eventually, I got into the dating world again—after nearly 15 years of not dating. I found herpes- and STD-dating sites and met some great guys and some losers. I’m in a relationship now with a man who has the same condition. We’ve been together since the spring.

Even though I had the affair and contracted an STD, at times I don’t regret it. To me, this was an escape and a fantasy. My life started over. I became more aware of who I am, even though I was in a dark place. After three years, I’m dating and having a wonderful time. Major milestones: turning 40 and starting new adventures, including a creative career change and learning how to ride a motorcycle. If you’re going to do it, just be sure to really think ahead about the consequences.

FIRST TIMER’S TIPS * Remember that you are having an affair for a reason. Consider approaching your spouse first about what you feel is missing from your marriage before you stray. * If you decide to pursue an affair, set boundaries for yourself: Is this a one-time thing? Are you thinking about leaving your partner for this? These are things I never considered. * Use protection. My partner claimed he was clean. How stupid could I be? * You have to be comfortable covering your ass. As horrible as it sounds, you have to cover all angles. Even worse is having your friends cover for you.

Comments

1 comments
Roland S

i am Mrs mercy i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just
want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted Drehiaghe for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that he have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, he cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me
and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Drehiaghe shrine casted on him that made him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR.ehiaghe for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want
you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved.