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Father's Day: 7 most common Father’s Day card clichés

Father's Day cards can be lumped into several genres, and none of them are very flattering for poor ol' Dad.

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
1/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Hey, you like to grill a lot
$4.99 at CVS, locations citywide, cvs.com
Everyone knows Mom's place is in the kitchen, but "grillmeister" Dad is in charge of the flame. And on next week's episode of Leave It to Beaver...

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
2/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Hey, you like to grill a lot
$4.99 at CVS, locations citywide, cvs.com

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
3/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You are borderline alcoholic
$5.99 at Walgreens, locations citywide, walgreens.com
On Father's Day, all dads prefer to be left alone to drink beer in the basement while lamenting what their lives could have been if they didn't have kids.

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
4/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You are borderline alcoholic
$5.99 at Walgreens, locations citywide, walgreens.com

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
5/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Sorry we don't talk
$3.99 at Walgreens
"As days fly by," this card says, "I hardly ever get the chance to tell you how grateful I am for all the things you do." Translation: "I am uncomfortable talking about feelings, especially with you, the man who showed no emotion my whole life, even when I graduated from college summa cum laude. I hold you responsible for all of my failed relationships."

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
6/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Sorry we don't talk
$3.99 at Walgreens

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
7/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You take monstrous dumps
$5.49 at CVS
The amount of cards devoted to dad farts and the inordinate time dads spend on the toilet is astounding. How did this happen? Are all the dads of Hallmark employees unknowingly lactose intolerant? This charming card, meant to be read on the toilet, offers fun facts about various types of farts, such as "the Trumpet," "the Big Wet One" and "the Blowtorch."

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
8/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You take monstrous dumps
$5.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
9/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You take monstrous dumps
$5.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
10/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You take monstrous dumps
$5.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
11/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You take monstrous dumps
$5.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
12/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Sorry I'm such a dick
$4.49 at CVS
But I'm a charming dick, right? Live with it!

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
13/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Sorry I'm such a dick
$4.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
14/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Thanks for fixing shit*
$3.99 at Walgreens
*but you're pretty terrible at it, so here's a bandage for when you inevitably hammer a nail through your finger.

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
15/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Thanks for fixing shit
$3.99 at Walgreens

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
16/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Give me money
$3.49 at CVS
To be read as: "You are good for nothing other than being a human money machine. I will continue to take your hard-earned cash well beyond the years where this is considered even mildly acceptable, until you die in a sub-par nursing home with not a cent to your name. P.S. Aren't I cute?"

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
17/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

Give me money
$3.49 at CVS

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
18/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You can be reduced to a Venn diagram
$3.95 at Target, locations citywide, target.com
This card does an admirable job of summing up every Father's Day card stereotype: You're a drunk; your language sets a terrible example; you clogged up the toilet again; your flatulence is appalling; you love the TV more than your family; I know you're only pretend-dozing so you don't have to give me money.

 (Photograph: Martha Williams)
19/19
Photograph: Martha Williams

You can be reduced to a Venn diagram
$3.95 at Target, locations citywide, target.com

Mother’s Day cards have their share of stereotypes (thanks for birthing me; thanks for cooking for me, now please go do my laundry; etc.), but most of them are pretty complimentary. Father’s Day cards, on the other hand, are the awkward side hug of the card world—half sort-of thanking Dad for being around, half making fun of him for being such a doof. Or not thanking him at all, just admiring what he can create in the toilet. Here are the seven most common messages in Father’s Day cards.

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