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  1. I don�t need more hobbies I�m never going to do clouding up the hobbies that I don�t have time to do.

  2. What�s your spirit animal? Mine is Wendy Williams.

  3. Taste this. Is it water or vodka?

  4. �Is there a name for this style of animation?� �Yeah��crap.�?�

  5. I would hate-fist Silver Linings Playbook.

  6. He�s a big, useless penis.

  7. She kept telling everyone Milwaukee�s Best is a good beer.

  8. I was finger-banging her on the way to a Jessica Simpson concert.

  9. I can�t imagine someone I�d like to have sex with less than my brother.

  10. Soyrizo makes me farty. It�s like a weird laxative.

  11. Is this too gay to wear to seder?

  12. I had a horrible experience with a bathroom toilet puck in Tanzania.

Heard on the street, April 18, 2013, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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