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Heard on the street, December 1, 2011, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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Why the hell would I read if I could watch porn instead?

I love when big men sneeze like little girls.

A Taz tattoo? Oh, God! It’s meth from here on out. You have no choice.

She and her boyfriend eat a lot of Taco Bell and Wendy’s. I think they’re going to die soon.

I’m pretty sure it gave me a huge bruise on my fucking areola.

It’s not like ethnic cleansing gets people’s panties in a twist.

That baby don’t look like him, thank God.

I told his ass, “My ass doesn’t need your ass.”

That poop made me feel a lot better about myself.

I’d rather watch other people work out on TV than go to the gym.

We put our kid in Catholic school and now she says the funniest shit.

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