Get us in your inbox

Search

Heard on the street, December 20, 2012, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

Advertising

Getting drunk is their version of having kids.

Did someone just say genocide and laugh?

I was going to get into the ministry, but then I realized I could love God and a penis.

You’ve got a cootie up your doody shooty.

That shit keeps you skinny and gives you self-esteem.

I’d like a motorcycle, but I can’t have one because I’m a Jew.

Macaroni is like the Rodney Dangerfield of mac and cheese.

I’m sorry, I have trouble hearing girls with my underwear on.

Some red wine and yoga will fix you right up.

I get a text from this motherfucker saying he’s chained to a gurney.

So, my former TA formed a cult.

I’m a natural-born porn star, what can I say?

Recommended
    You may also like
      Advertising

      The best things in life are free.

      Get our free newsletter – it’s great.

      Loading animation
      Déjà vu! We already have this email. Try another?

      🙌 Awesome, you're subscribed!

      Thanks for subscribing! Look out for your first newsletter in your inbox soon!