Heard on the street, February 22, 2012, edition

Hyperlocal is the new imported.

“What’s cool to do in Naperville?” “I dunno, probably meth.”

I love Ding Dongs—I just wish they came in bigger packages.

You can’t tell me what to do when you weren’t invited in the first place.

I became mayor of Minneapolis in six years. I was over it.

Can’t say I was surprised. I don’t think I’m surprised by much anymore. It’s kind of depressing.

I’m not sassy, I’m honest.

You don’t see too many angry punks anymore. Their angst is tempered by craft beer.

I once ordered a veggie burger with bacon.

For every ten girls we talk to, one of us has to get her number.

This whole ensemble was dressed by Lane Bryant.