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  1. So that�s what Ira Glass looks like. I thought he was a black woman.

  2. Oh, is that what your cult believes?

  3. It�s been a very teetotaling week for me, so I�m ready to go all out.

  4. That bass player is a dude. He just has a really good body.

  5. A guy outside Planned Parenthood was like, �You want a baby? I�ll give you a baby.�

  6. It�s healthy, I swear. I got it from Whole Foods.

  7. Which of your silver-spoon friends worked at Kmart?

  8. Did I tell you about the time we trolled a GameStop employee?

  9. Every time a baby cries, my uterus shrinks.

  10. I told him I don�t know a lot about cottage cheese but that it�s not good enough for him.

  11. Everyone knows you�re a big fag. It doesn�t mean you�re not also a big jerk.

Heard on the street, February 7, 2013

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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