Heard on the street, June 28, 2012, edition

“Do SnackWell’s still exist?” “They do, but you’re not a pile, so you don’t know.”

You’re gonna be a really hot 60-year-old. I can tell.

I have a serious paranoia about lasers. Aim a household laser at your eye, and you could be dealing with some serious shit.

He’s gonna be such a dick when they have that baby.

It was like walking through the streets of Darfur.

I’m the definition of hit-or-miss.

He is kind of highbrow for a metal guy, though.

It’s the equivalent of Michael Jordan playing for the YMCA.

Hey, you just hit me with a whole season of Dynasty!

She thinks she’s keepin’ up with the Joneses, ’cept no one wanna be her.

You are just a hot mess. That’s all you are.