"Sometimes the bus sounds like something getting whipped. Like Jesus getting whipped."
Picking a President is like picking ice cream. You can pick chocolate, or vanilla."
"I hate sports; I like sports radio."
"How do you get mugged in a car wash?"
"I can make you dentures in my basement."
"They were in this drunken Jeep, with all these ideas."
"I'm going to watch this girl throw up now."
"Listening to Howard Stern is like listening to a talking boner."
"i have too much Asperger's in me to care if they think i'm out of place."
"People who go to Rolling Stones concerts don't take public transportation."