Heard on the street, October 4, 2012, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.
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Twitter is recession cocaine.

Everyone who is an awesome partyer owns a Mazda.

Look at all of the crazy things the Jews did in the Bible.

You’re already at McDonald’s in your head, you fat fuck!

Quit buttering me up. I’m still taking your ass to court on Friday.

That cheeseburger is comin’. It’ll make it all better.

Stop being such an officious ass!

“Oh, I caught the chipmunk!” “I didn’t know you had a chipmunk.”

He’s wearing that shirt. He’s obviously insane.

I feel like we’ve had way too many nipple conversations this week.

“I got tulips.” “Yeah? I got four lips.”

Is there any chance in the near future that you’ll need an au pair?

He used to be sexy—like Camaro sexy.

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