1Stop moving—or bolt.
It’s so obvious how ripped I am, you think to yourself. So you keep looking around and switching positions to try to look normal. You don’t. Either sit still by focusing on one thing, or leave—no one will know you’re high as a kite if you’re not there, right?
If you’re paranoid that you’re blathering (because you probably are), just stop. Stop. Don’t start talking about how you’re babbling—you’re still babbling. Don’t apologize, as that will make people think something is up—like that you can’t remember what the hell you were just talking about.
3If you use, learn to diffuse.
You inhale and end up on Paranoia Island instead of Party Planet. Stop your racing mind by doing what any paranoid person does—talk to yourself. Not out loud. But simply tell yourself that it’s not the time to obsess over the five billion things you’ve fucked up in your life—and that no one’s sitting there dissecting your outfit (even if they are, screw ’em). This admission will give you back some control over the situation and dilute any heightening sense of Armageddon. Remember everything that goes up, must come down.
4Avert suspicious eyes.
Your eyes look like you took one too many hits from that Cartman bong—because, oh shit, you did. Visine may do the trick for redness, but your dilated pupils are another story. Carry a tissue. Say that your allergies are acting up, or that you slept in your contacts. If you can, wear sunglasses. If not, don’t dodge eye contact. Be bold—or you’ll look guilty.
Smoking solo is really the only way to avoid people getting wise to your altered state. Plus, getting high by yourself is a great way to learn to weather the THC flood like a pro.