Alley off Belmont Avenue between Wilton Avenue and Clark Street
Does the ’coon tail have significance?
No. The more decorations I have dangling from me, the better. My dog is always trying to eat it.
What do you do?
I work over here at the Alley.
This is the employee lounge?
No. My boss always catches bums trying to poo over here. [Laughs] People always seem to be peeing back here and having sex.
So you’re not looking forward to the seasonal flood of drunk Cubs fans?
It’s awful. We get the people who’ve been drinking on the train all the way from the suburbs. Then they drink all day at the baseball game. By the time they get here, they’ve hit four bars on Clark. People are drunk as skunks, trying to start fights and stuff.
They try to punch you?
My first day here forever ago, this really drunk 40-year-old tried to sit on a T-shirt stand. My coworker very nicely said, “Sir, that might break. It’s just plywood.” Well, this guy was like, “Your mom’s a whore!” There was nearly a brawl. His face was purple and he was drooling. It’s like, you’re going to come into my house and make fun of how I look?
Shocking that a drunk baseball fan could be so insensitive.
They also ask if I’m a drag queen. That’s always good! “You a witch, girl?” [Laughs] Everyone for some reason thinks that everyone who works at the Alley is an elitist. I have so many bad things on Yelp, like, “That pink-haired, rainbow-browed bitch thinks she’s more punk rock than me?!” It’s like, I’m not even punk rock. I listen to Disney soundtracks.