Offbeat Chicago Valentine’s Day gifts

Chocolates? Roses? Those trite Valentine’s Day gifts are for unimaginative lovers. Take a look at some offbeat sweetheart specials and consider our inscriptions for the cards to accompany them.

Champagne and strawberries during waxing treatments at Ambra Salon and European Spa (1 W Superior St, 312-337-5055; $45; Friday 11–Tuesday 15)
Suggested inscription
“I would love to make you mine…after you wax your bikini line.”

Romantic White Castle dinner, complete with sliders, tablecloths, waiters and roses (call 708-458-4450 for reservations; Monday 14)
Suggested inscription
“I’m your knight, you’re my princess / And our castle smells like ass.”

Sweetheart wine tasting of 40 vinos from “frisky whites” to “sultry reds” at Binny’s Beverage Depot (844 S Randall Rd, Algonquin, 847-458-2470; $10 per person; Friday 11)
Suggested inscription
“Darling, please…black out with me?”

The Joy of Erotic MassageDVD from the Valentine’s Day collection at Early to Bed (5232 N Sheridan Rd, 866-585-2BED; $28; through Monday 14)
Suggested inscription
“We could learn a thing or two / From watching other people screw.”

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre reenactment, featuring lasagna dinner at Tommy Gun’s Garage (2114 S Wabash Ave, 312-225-0273; $65–$70; Friday 11–Monday 14)
Suggested inscription
“I may not be able to riddle you with bullets in an abandoned garage / But a girl can dream.”

Discount gift card for a computerized driving range at TopGolf Chicago (699 W Thorndale Rd, Wood Dale, 630-595-4653; $10 off every $50 spent; through Monday 14)
Suggested inscription
“Join me for one afternoon / Of what I normally do to escape from you.”

Electronic cigarette Valentine’s Day Starter Kit, with smooth chocolate and mocha mist filters at ($149.95; through Sunday 13)
Suggested inscription
“My darling, I don’t want to lose you / So let’s smoke like robots do.”

Enrollment in “Love Hurts” high-intensity, interval training sessions at David Barton Gym (600 W Chicago Ave, 312-836-9127; free with $99-per-month membership; through February 28)
Suggested inscription
“I’d love you more / If there were less of you.”