Where to view the river dyeing with your crazy family members—and get a pitcher of deserved green beer.
“Cool” Dad Shoreline Sightseeing St. Patrick’s Day Cruises offer a docent-guided Irish-American history lesson; a menu with corned beef, cabbage and bread pudding; and an up-close view of the freshly green river—plus plenty of chances for Dad to use his favorite word: “neat-o.” Navy Pier, 600 W Grand Ave (shorelinesightseeing.com). Sat 17, 10–11:30am, 2–3:30pm; $37, seniors $35, kids 12 and under $20.
Suburban Adventuress Mom Never mind that every thing she likes—vegan Korean food, skinny cocktails—is just a little wrong; at least she spoils you rotten. At Rebar Revelry, she can gush over the cringeworthy breakfast-drink names (Shamrockatini, Leprechaun Elixir; $17 each) while you relish the stunning views of the river and the picked-up bill. Rebar, 401 N Wabash Ave (trumpchicagohotel.com). Sat 17; opens 9am, alcohol served starting at 10:30am.
Crazy Cousin Joe He thought last weekend’s South Side Irish Parade was child’s play (what, no keg stands?). Lucky for him, Sweetwater’s Party on the Patio offers $4 green Miller Lite drafts and “Irish inspired” beads and hats. While he’s in rare form, you can perambulate the path near the green river, one block north of the patio’s warm tents. Sweetwater Tavern and Grille, 225 N Michigan Ave. Sat 17, 10am–2am.