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The 14 runners you'll see on the lakefront path

Whether you're a running newbie or training for the Chicago Marathon, you're sure to encounter these runners on the road to shin splints

Photographer: Simon Brubaker
These are the runners you'll meet fighting for space on the croweded lakefront path.

The strange thing about running, other than the fact we do it despite the havoc it wreaks on our bodies, is that you have no idea how you look while doing it. But we've been creepily taking note of you and your running brethren to come up with the 14 types of runners you'll see on the lakefront path. Recognize yourself in this mix?

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1. The wolf pack. They run together for moral support and take up the entire width of the lakefront path.


2. The barefoot guy. What is he trying to prove? We know that back in prehistoric times, humans had to run away from wooly mammoths in bare feet. But there have been advances since then, like the wheel. And running shoes.

3. The hippie wearing those hideous "barefoot shoes." Only slightly less mystifying than the barefoot guy.

4. The bionic man/woman.This poor, wounded soul is outfitted with two knee braces, compression socks, and KT Tape on his shins, achilles and shoulders. Pssst...your body is trying to tell you something: "Running hurts me, for the love of god please stop."

5. The panting, red-faced runner doing the survival shuffle but wearing coordinating, expensive running gear. Look who signed on for the marathon without realizing what she was getting herself into!


6. The mom struggling to push a bored-looking child in a jogging stroller. God bless.

7. The old dude wearing short shorts. God bless.

8. The guy wearing a full sweatsuit on a 90-degree day in an attempt to create a mobile sweat lodge. 


9. The asshole talking on a cellphone headset.
We're sure the person on the other end of the line loves hearing him pant like some creeper.

10. The lithe, zero-percent-body-fat runner who zooms past you as if you are running in molasses.


11. The running pack rat. Every time she suits up for a jog, it's only in paraphrenalia collected from previous races: a hoodie from the Hot Chocolate 5K, a Shamrock Shuffle T-shirt underneath, a Color Run sweatband…. Are you sure you don't want to wear your medals, too?

12. The mean dog owner dragging a Yorkshire Terrier on a leash behind her. That tiny furball looks about as excited for a run as it is for a trip to the vet.


13. The spontaneous runner.
This person looks like he just started running right then and there to see what it would feel like. While wearing jeans, sneakers and a button-down.

14. The insecure runner who speeds up as you pass him. Most often seen when a woman passes up a man.

Comments

2 comments
Armando A

Which runner  are you Debbie Jacob? 11

Armando A

Which runner  are you Debbie Jacob ?  11?