Poop
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A "Pooper's Guide" to the funkiest bathrooms in Tel Aviv

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Written by
Jennifer Greenberg
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It's no secret that Tel Aviv doesn't exactly have the most 'user-friendly' bathrooms. The White City's unwritten rule is that the closer in proximity you get to the beach, the lesser the odds are that your bathroom stall will come equipped with toilet paper. Have no fear! The "Pooper's Guide" is here with a roundup of the funkiest, freshest, cleanest, most-heavily Teepee-stocked bathrooms in town. From crazy mathematical equation-laced wallpaper set to Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" to a beautiful Buddhist oasis, these toilets will transport you into an alternate state so euphoric, you'll never want to leave (though your date might start to worry).

A "Pooper's Guide" to Tel Aviv

  • Bars
  • Pubs
  • Tel Aviv City Center

Location: Biggy Z               

Pooper's Rating: 3/5 - Amplified by a (road) trip down memory lane.

Accessibility: 2/5 - You try making it up two flights of stairs when you're 10 tequila shots deep.

Aesthetics: 4/5 - While Biggy Z's has taken the extra time to pay attention to aesthetics – painting the Mexican desert landscape not just on the outside porcelain, but inside the actual bowl as well – the combination of all-you-can-drink margaritas and vibrant colors may have you thinking you've pooped rainbows. Nonetheless, props go out for the 'authentic' look, improving the sometimes uneasy bathroom experience with a nostalgic 'license plate' game.

Overall Comfort: 4/5 - Stalls are not too big, not too small, jusssssst right. Plus, if you're caught off-guard with a stubborn 'situation,' each stall comes equipped with its own electric guitar to pass the time.

  • Bars
  • Cocktail bars
  • Tel Aviv City Center

Location: Spicehaus

Pooper's Rating: 5/5 - Though, as a poetry major, I may be slightly biased.

Accessibility: 3/5 - Located on the ground floor, it is easy to make it to the swinging doors of this bathroom; however, the swinging doors increase the possibility of getting smacked back to reality by fellow bathroom patrons.

Aesthetics: 4.5/5 - Mathematical equations line every wall to keep your mind occupied while your body does its thing; Edgar Allen Poe's famous poem "The Raven" accompanies the mad scientist scene; and a framed skeleton sketch ties it all together as a recurring motif to its full-sized skeleton companion greeting you at the door (most probably stolen from a nearby high school biology lab).

Overall Comfort: It's all relative. The crazy mad scientist atmosphere can cause some 'tenseness,'  prohibiting nature from running its course. However, once you allow the soothing voice of Poe to win you over, anything is possible.

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  • Bars
  • Cocktail bars
  • Tel Aviv City Center

Location: Concierge

Pooper's Rating: 4/5 - Their hospitality game is on point.

Accessibility: 2.5/5 - While Concierge's physical bathroom takes the cake when it comes to comfort, reaching that comfort involves a tricky game of maneuvering through a narrow, crowded space without bumping into one of the wait staff balancing intricate cocktails on trays.

Aesthetics: 5/5 - Ever wondered what it's like to take a dump in a 5-star hotel lobby?

Overall Comfort: Much like a 5-star hotel lobby, Concierge's bathroom holds true to its name. From calming red mood lighting to marble floors and counters, gold plated sink nozzles, and even fancy hand towels, you'll get the first-class hotel experience you've always dreamt of while you drip dry in the communal hostel bathrooms.

  • Bars
  • Cocktail bars
  • White City

Location: Bellboy

Pooper's Rating: 3/5 - As a classical music nerd, I felt right at home with the violin concertos setting the mood.

Accesibility:  4/5 - Not as hard to find as Butler, though once inside, the near-pitch black interior can make it difficult to find your way around (...don't miss!)

Aesthetics: 3.5/5 - Once your eyes adjust to the light (or lack thereof), the "confessional booth meets doctor Frankenstein" design creates both intrigue and slight disturbance simultaneously. If you've always wanted to know what it's like to pee in a time before electricity existed, Bellboy's candlelit stalls are the way to go.

Overall Comfort: Drops to a 0 when you go to wash your hands and look in what you thought was a mirror but instead, another face pops out from the deceiving mirror-less divide. An all round rush of emotions.

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  • Bars
  • Shuk Levinsky

Location: Diego San

Pooper's Rating: 1/5 - Step through a Buddhist bathroom oasis...and into an interrogation room.

Accesibility:  4/5 - Climbing the stairs to an asian eden makes the hike much more pleasant.

Aesthetics: 3/5 - While the floral arrangements and abundance of Buddha statues paving the way to Diego San's bathroom are aesthetically pleasing, the stark contrast of entering a stall and trying to releave your bowels while a giant portrait of an Asian ambassador (or someone of power) stares you in the face is very offputting. "I didn't doodoo it, I swear!"

Overall Comfort: 2.5/5 - Stage fright can get the best of anyone.

Once you've emptied out, it's time to refill...

  • Restaurants
When it comes to burgers, many Tel Aviv restaurants are not only keeping up with their very distant North American cousins, some may argue they have finally surpassed them. With Tel Aviv’s pizza reputation already at full capacity, and new markets like Rothschild Allenby opening up the international food game, it’s only natural for the White City to keep on top of their burger game as well. These Tel Aviv street food spots are famous for their burgers where their meat is on point, their fried chicken burgers are all the rage, and even vegan options aim to please. There’s a reason people wait hours afterhours to sink their teeth into soft buns and succulent meat at these burger joints. Here’s our roundup of the best Tel Aviv has to offer between the buns, anytime of day.  
  • Restaurants
When it comes to grab-and-go grub, locals have mastered the art of Tel Aviv and Jaffa street food – from falafel to hummus and everything in between. So, why not step up to the plate and spice things up with another country’s street food? Well, that’s exactly what the White City has done. From delicious Venezuelan Arepas in the heart of the Carmel Market to taco Tuesdays and bottomless margaritas at Biggy Z, the Tel Aviv Nightlife bracelet bar staple, these Central & South American Tel Aviv restaurants are so authentic, you’ll forget you're in the Middle East.
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  • Restaurants
Tel Aviv isn’t all hots guys and hummus. Their international cuisine game is getting stronger by the second, and now includes a handful of incredibly spice-packed Indian restaurants. Whether you duck into the locally loved Ma Pau, just steps from both the Great Synagogue and Shuk HaCarmel, or spice up your life with a curry stewed up by the Captain himself in Sarona Market, our suggestions for the best restaurants in Tel Aviv serving Indian cuisine include everything from a vegan restaurant on King George to a South African Tel Aviv street food fave.
  • Restaurants
Tel Aviv's best street food is not only delicious for its sheer flavors and innovative twists on classic grab-and-go recipes, but there is also something to be said about sitting outside in a casual spot with satisfied customers sharing tables and inhaling their food. Tel Aviv street food is also a mix of Tel Aviv moments - where friends run into one another and catch up, the menu of the day is handwritten on kraft paper and your name is yelled out into the chaos for pick up. It's especially tasty after a night out, whether clubbing at the Port, hunting for hidden speakeasies or keeping classy at the opera. For even more cheap eats and finger-lickin' goodness, head south for authentic street food in Jaffa or try every kind of shakshuka imaginable at the best shakshuka spots in Tel Aviv.
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  • Restaurants
As the Tel Aviv restaurant scene continues to grow as a melting pot of every cuisine available under the sun, the local hunger pangs for nostalgic American food seem to strengthen. American joints are popping up all over Tel Aviv, serving up everything from authentic street food to the classic all-American breakfast. And the latest major addition is America, an entire complex dedicated to American eateries, giving Telavivians a bite of some wholesome all-American grub. From food trucks to milkshakes and everything in between, we've got a list of the best American-style eateries in Tel Aviv, adding a little patriotic red and blue to the already White City.
  • Restaurants
  • Thai
If you’ve ever tasted harif on your falafel or mixed into your hummus before, you know that Israelis can bring the heat, which makes Israel the perfect destination for hot and spicy Thai flavors. Not only does the White City boast some of the best Asian restaurants in Israel, including some killer Tel Aviv street food staples; more specifically, their Thai game is on point. Warm your soul with a soothing bowl of Thai curry, refresh your palate with a sweet and salty papaya salad, and wash it all down with kaffir lime-inspired cocktails or a crisp Singha. One dish at these Thai Tel Aviv restaurants and your tastebuds will travel to Bangkok and back.
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