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Photograph: Walter Lesus/Flickr

7 things you'll experience on the shortest day of the year in Chicago

Written by
Clayton Guse
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We've got ourselves a solstice, ladies and gentlemen. Tomorrow is the first official day of winter, which means we'll experience less sunlight than any other day of the year. So get ready for three months of anxiety, painful winds and cab rides. The worst part? When spring finally does arrive in March, it really won't provide any relief. This is Chicago, and it's going to be miserable outside until May at the earliest.

Here are seven things you'll likely experience on the shortest day of the year in the city.

The beginning of your seasonal affective disorder

Whether we admit it or not, pretty much everyone in Chicago gets a bit depressed in the winter. A lack of sunlight can lead to a deficiency in those happy brain chemicals, and if you aren't the owner of a light therapy lamp, you could be stuck crying into a bowl of soup on Tuesday.

Panic over Christmas shopping

Christmas is coming in hot. In case you didn't know, it's this Friday and, if you're anything like us, you've failed to complete the bulk of your gift shopping. It looks like you'll have to navigate the city in the dark while you scramble to get those goddamned boots you drunkenly promised your niece on Thanksgiving.

The bleak look on everyone's faces on a quiet train

During the summer, CTA commuters have a lively step about them. People tend to smile, and not even the scent of hot urine can ruin the mood. On the first day of winter, you'd be hard-pressed to find a single cheerful person in your train car. Those who display any sense of happiness on the shortest day of the year quickly become objects of scorn by neighboring riders. 

A terrifying reflection on your own mortality

The summer was amazing and the fall was pleasant, but then it all came to an end. The winter is a cold, seemingly endless season, and the city doesn't even come close to resembling the fun you had while it was warm outside. This phenomenon will probably make you reflect on your own life—and the fact that it will eventually come to an end, too. What's the point of doing anything if you're just a heaping pile of stardust on a marble floating through space?

Looking up flights to anywhere that's relatively warm

Sometimes the only way to beat a Chicago winter is to head south. There's hardly a better day of the year to plan a trip to warmer pastures than the winter solstice. Heck, even a place like Plano, Texas could cheer a Chicagoan up this time of year. 

A strange empathy with pigeons

Chicago's population of pigeons is disgusting. During the summer, they're best described as "rats with wings." But on the shortest day of the year, you might find yourself believing that you and the urban fowl aren't so different. Sure, they're gross, dumb and erratic, but they help one another through the miserable cold. Maybe they're a tighter community than Chicagoans. If you experience pigeon empathy, please call your doctor. That means the winter has really gotten to you.

Copious amounts of drinking

There's really only one cure-all for a Chicago winter: alcohol. It numbs your nerve cells from the chilling winds. It can replace the fire or blanket that comforts you through the season. It can even replace the friends you won't see over the next three months because they decided to move to Rogers Park. Booze is what makes Chicago a less miserable place on the shortest day of the year. So raise a glass (might we recommend one of these hot cocktails?) and buckle up; the next three months are going to suck. 

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