Man, how awesome is Game of Thrones? Can you believe [REDACTED] died this week? Years ago, when we dweebs began reading the dense and twisty epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire, we never dreamed it could be pulled off onscreen as well as HBO has managed—let alone that "Daenerys" would become a popular baby name. But The Sopranos of sword and sorcery continues to grow in popularity, and we're betting the Internet blows up again every Sunday this spring.
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We wondered: What if A Song of Ice and Fire were A Song of Ice and…More Ice? Considering Thrones creator George R.R. Martin is a Northwestern grad (which is why the Evanston campus is lovingly dubbed the Fist of the First Men on our map), it seemed fitting to transform the fictional land of Westeros (yes, and a bit of Essos, nerd police) into the realm of "Chicagos."
In which castle do you dwell? To what banner do you pledge allegiance? Read below to see why we deemed Wrigleyville to be the Dreadfort and so on.
Rogers Park is Castle Black
As we joked in our 51 Things a Chicagoan Would Never Say, we've all lived in the Rog at some point. And let's be real: It's a hardship post. An insanely long commute. On the fringes of civilization. Living that far north is a commitment akin to the Night's Watch.
Andersonville is Highgarden
The home of the Tyrells always strikes us as the most desirable place to live in war-torn Westeros. It's pretty, tranquil, filled with wine and singing. Yeah, this feels right.
Uptown is Harrenhal
A crumbling shell of its former self where nobody is exactly itching to take residence.
Boystown is Bear Island
Jorah Mormont would perform wonderfully at IML.
Wicker Park is Dragonstone
The former seat of power, but now a ghost of what it once was. In the years since its major players moved out, Wicker Park has been taken over by ambitious powerplayers, well-dressed women and dog bakeries. Wait, are we talking about the books or the 'hood?
Oldtown is Old Town
Obviously. The brightest are sent to train at the Citadel to become Maesters. Sounds a bit like Second City to us.
The Gold Coast is Lannisport
I know a bunch of old rich people live there, but we never really see them.
Navy Pier is Storm's End
The coastal home of Robert Baratheon, a former great warrior turned into a silly, gluttonous king. Sounds perfect for a former military station turned Build-A-Bear workshop and Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
Marina Towers are the Twins
The Loop is Braavos
Where the banks are. Lots of canals.
Pilsen is the Iron Islands
If they had bike messengers in Game of Thrones, they would totally live in Pyke. The Iron Born are tough and cool and kind of out on their own.
Hyde Park is the Eyrie
Have you ever talked to a U. of C. student? Their parents treat them as if they were Sweetrobin Arryn. "Don't wander outside the towers! There are roving clans of warriors out there!" The Eyrie keeps to itself. Actually, the Vale is quite pretty.
South Shore is Dorne
Those who only watch the television show will be hearing a lot more about Dorne in coming episodes. The far southern territory of Westeros rightfully has a chip on its shoulder from being left out of the conversation. But, really, there are some key players in the ongoing story there. Fitting for the home of Kanye West and Michelle Obama.