20 essential rules for music festivals
We’re lovers not haters – until we get into a field full of moaners, poseurs, pissers and Instagram posters, that is. Follow these rules and you might still have some friends left at the end of the weekend
2. No pushing to the front during ‘that song’
3. No having sex anywhere that’s not a tent
4. No detours to meet your mate from work
5. No acoustic guitars
6. No bell tent smugness
7. No queue jumping
8. No tutting at the youth of today
9. No weeing in the crowd
10. No moaning about fancy dress
11. No roping off your own bit of the site
12. No cultural appropriation. Ever ever ever
13. No dull stories about how fucked you got last night
14. No streetstyle peacocking
15. No staying in the campsite all weekend
16. No tent squatting
17. No moaning about the toilets
18. No ‘look at me!’ flags
19. No balloon selfies
20. No leaving before Sunday night
Are you a festival sinner?
0 to 5 rules broken
Bravo. Not only are you probably a decent person at home, but you can also spend a whole weekend surrounded by supreme dickheads without becoming one. Rock that halo – you’re a festival saint.
6 to 10 rules broken
Not bad. Though you’re known to get a little crabby after a heavy Saturday (what was that guy in the dance tent selling anyway?) you’re generally decent company in most festival situations.
10 to 15 rules broken
Oh, dear. You’re in danger of making thousands of people hate you – and you probably don’t even care. Give the rest of us a break and spend this summer in Magaluf instead.
16 to 20 rules broken
You’re literally the worst person at the whole festival, so just own it. Wear those shutter shades, leave a trail of crap everywhere and be a douche to everyone you meet. Good luck with that lift home!