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10 excuses that only work in Los Angeles

Written by
Obnoxious LA

We know Angelenos are busy, and sometimes you don't always want to do everything you're asked to do. We wrote these handy excuses that are ready to be copied and pasted into any text, because sometimes you need something less generic than “I have an audition.”

1. "I’m sorry, I have to leave my shift early because my son is sick and I have to pick him up from school. And when I say 'son,' I mean my maltipoo, and when I say 'school,' I mean overpriced doggy daycare."

2. "Oh man, I wish I could have stopped by for a drink at Harvard & Stone, but I wasn’t feeling well. I ate something with gluten in it and, even though I’m not gluten intolerant, I spent the rest of the night feeling remorseful for having had gluten at all."

3. "I can’t give you a ride to LAX. I’m actually an Uber driver and am already giving a complete stranger a ride to the airport. But have you heard of UberPool?"

4. "Sorry sweetie, your father has to miss your softball game on Saturday because his municipal dodgeball team is going up against Chris Pratt’s team at the Silver Lake YMCA."

5. "I totes would love to help you move to the Valley but I sprained my chakra during hip-hop cardio yoga class. Oh, but let me know if you still want to go on that hike tomorrow!"

6. "Ugh, there’s a bunch of traffic right now. All of Santa Monica is shut down in WeHo. The gays are celebrating Britney extending her run in Vegas."

7. "I don’t have time to read your script right now, but if you record it as a podcast I can listen to it while I’m in traffic."

8. "There are absolutely no excuses for being late, but I got stuck in the left turn lane at Western and then got caught behind a bus on Vermont. Also, I had to stop to get Starbucks."

9. "Thanks for the invite to your birthday dinner at Korean BBQ, but I don’t think I can make it. I’m on a strict juice-and-not-spending-time-with-crappy-friends-who-sleep-with-their-exes cleanse."

10. "I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your comedy show, I had to do anything else at all."

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