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Photograph courtesy: Flickr user Lord JimAngelyne

5 reasons why Angelyne is the ultimate embodiment of Los Angeles

Written by
Obnoxious LA

1. She’s a self-made icon

When the early settlers of Los Angeles came here, it was just a desert near the ocean, but through a lot of hard work, determination and a little exploitation of natural resources, it became the second largest city in the United States.

Much like LA, Angelyne also exploited her own natural resources. When she rolled into town, Angelyne was just a bright-eyed girl from Idaho (allegedly). She garnered attention through possibly the most effective of marketing stunts, plastering her hot bod across billboards. That seductive pose atop her Corvette became an iconic image for '80s LA. She was famous just for being famous, i.e. the O.G. Kim Kardashian.

2. She’s ageless

Los Angeles is the city of eternal youth, just ask any of the plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills.

Founded in 1781, Los Angeles, like many of its inhabitants, is definitely older than she looks. Under the apathetic millennial population and massive highway network is a withering old woman on the verge of a pipe burst. For Angelyne, her disguise comes in the form of a Chinese fan and a nebulous origin story. In reality, Angelyne is (allegedly) a 53-year-old woman. Sure, both Angelyne and Los Angeles have a few cracks/wrinkles, but they'll both always stay as young as they say they are.

3. She knows that “sex sells”

As anyone who's ever watched an episode of Entourage knows, Los Angeles is a sexy, seductive city. Maybe Hollywood is comprised of seedy nightclubs and head shops, but Hollywood is all glitz and glamour—the very same glitz and glamour responsible for luring tourists to those seedy nightclubs and head shops. It's all very cyclical and gross and brilliant.

Angelyne also grabbed our attention (and our loins) by using her sexuality to advance her career. She acted in porn, unknowingly and fully clothed (allegedly), and rose to fame by showing off her breasts with her lack of clothes and overt sexuality.

4. She’s all style, no substance

Los Angeles, home of the Valley Girl and the Silver Lake Hipster, is known for its beautiful beaches and even more beautiful people, but we're like not known for having culture or being, like, smart. That's New York's territory!

Angelyne has her own distinct personal brand—hot pink, blonde hair, that Corvette—but not much to back it up. While her infamous billboards helped land her movie roles (Earth Girls are Easy), she never quite reached the same level that other actors who are featured on billboards have reached (because they're called movie stars).

5. She's unique—like a unicorn

Angelyne says that spotting her is like spotting a unicorn. Unicorns are super rare, so rare that nobody has actually seen one, yet you'll find Angelyne frequently parked outside of the Coffee Bean in Los Feliz.

Los Angeles is a melting pot of race, class, sexual orientation and artisanal juice blends that makes it its own unicorn. Regardless of taste and better judgment, in our heads, hearts and loins, Angelyne will always be that iconic pin-up girl we all know and love.

And if you do ever see her, ask her for some swag. She keeps T-shirts in the trunk of the Corvette.

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