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7 signs LA is just not that into you

Written by
Jordan Likover

Chances are if you live in LA, at some point you've belted out the hook to Randy Newman's 1983 classic "I Love LA!" But let's be real...does LA truly love you back?

Here are some telltale signs that your affection for the City of Angels may be unrequited.

1. You're mistaken for a celebrity who's fatter or older than you. Or even worse, dead.

2. After unsuccessfully fighting a parking ticket at the Los Angeles Parking Violations Bureau, you return to your car to find a new ticket for parking in a “Bogus Parking Ticket Only Zone”.

3. Your neighborhood medical marijuana dispensary has been shut down and replaced by a Yoshinoya. And unfortunately the only way you’ve ever been debilitated enough to patronize Yoshinoya is under the influence of medical marijuana.

4. You've missed watching the live broadcast of the day's thrilling car chase because you were stuck in traffic caused by that same chase.

5. You’re gainfully employed, but your unemployed friends still enjoy a higher quality of life than you. While you’re stuck in a cubicle browsing Instagram, your unemployed friends’ accounts update with pictures of them at the beach, at the Farmer’s Market, and at the Amoeba free in-store concert of your favorite band. 

6.You're mistaken for a San Francisco Giants fan in the Dodger Stadium parking lot after you’re overheard saying you’re “a giant fan of the Dodgers”.

7. This has happened to you...

a) Your car has been broken into, and the only thing the thieves didn't pilfer was a Jimmy Buffet cd, which now has "Douche!" scrawled on it in permanent marker.

b) After filing a police report for your pillaged car, you’re issued an expired meter ticket by the responding officer, even though the meter only expired because you waited 45 minutes for him to arrive.

c) After issuing you a ticket for the expired meter, the officer then follows you out of the parking lot, pulls you over, and issues you a ticket for a broken tail light.

So yeah, if you’ve found yourself in any or all of these situations, maybe LA just isn’t that into you.

Note: 7a, 7b, 7c actually happened to my friend.

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