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News / Sex & Dating

Always texts, never shows? 5 signs you might be dating a Persistent Flaker

Dating Los Angeles
Courtesy: Edward Conde/Flickr

Los Angeles is the kind of city that attracts all types of people. Those people bring their hopes and dreams... and their issues and neuroses along with them. It's this kind of baggage that we Angelenos experience while trying to navigate LA's seemingly impossible dating scene, so as a local, I've come to learn that categorizing men (and women) is helpful, efficient and above all, necessary.

Take the "Persistent Flaker," for example. Also known as a "PF," this dater not only flakes on you (everyone in LA has dealt with that) but also persistently badgers you to hang out.

At first, it's oddly flattering. You excuse the behavior because there's always a follow up text expressing interest to hang out again and again. In fact, the more they flake, the more enthusiastic they become. In my experience, the acceptance of persistent flaking is a phenomenon unique to a bustling city like Los Angeles. You think, "Well, I get it, I'm busy too. After all, I have a job, a life AND I SoulCycle. If my PF is still willing to try, then so am I, right?"

WRONG. Cut 'em out ASAP.

Here are 5 signs you're dating one:

1. You make tentative plans... all the time. Most LA dating veterans understand that playing the tentative card sets a precedent that there are no real expectations. But according to one life-long PF (who asked to remain anonymous) it's the "non-committal understanding" that provokes them to maintain contact.

2. You find yourself getting idealistic. You get the feeling that the potential of being a couple—having someone to text, call and flirt with—is enough. But I'm also "potentially interested" in hosting craft nights and learning Mandarin, both of which I've never gotten around to.

3. The flaking to persistence ratio is directly proportional. That means the more often your date reschedules, the more interested he or she seems. If you were wondering if this is even possible, it is.

4. You have a newfound appreciation for the guys that flake once, then disappear. The conventional flake pales in comparison to the PF because the latter doesn't respect your time—or their own, for that matter. In the wise words of the Betches Instagram account, "Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can straight up cancel."

5. The cancellation texts are very sweet but tend to over-explain. For example, "Don't hate me but I had to rescue my friend from an awful Hinge date at the Hollywood Bowl and now I have to Uber back to Santa Monica with her, before I meet you at Observatory. Should we rain check for next week? I really want to see you." Those? Delete.

Look, we've all put up with PFs longer than we'd like to admit. But here's to exposing them for what they are. This way, we can invest our energy in meeting true LA gems. Like... narcissists! Or better yet, dates that actually take you up on splitting the bill (kidding... sort of).

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Comments

1 comments
Carrie G

Right on point, Trishna. Thanks for finally giving these people (sometimes myself included) a title. Great article!