I'm Irish. My first legal drink was a pint of Guinness at the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin. I should be all about St. Patrick's Day, but on March 17, I stay as far away from LA's Irish pubs as possible. There's just something about drinking Guinness because you happen to be at a bar on a certain date that I really can't get behind. Don't even get me started on green beer.
This isn't supposed to be a negative Norah (see what I did there?) post about Americanized holidays, because I love drinking holidays just about as much as anyone else—or at least, with a lukewarm "meh, I guess I'll go out if my friends are making plans." I just found out a good way to improve them by sort-of lifehacking them. Then I became the one making plans.
Here's how it works. On St. Patrick's Day, I go out for Mexican food, Mexican beer and margaritas. On Cinco de Mayo—you guessed it—I'm at an Irish pub downing pints of Guinness with a plate of fish and chips or boxtys. It's not a particularly revolutionary idea, and I'm certainly not the only one observing this tradition, but the bar is never too crowded and the food is always delicious. So if you want to toast St. Patrick and a snake-free Ireland but you can't handle another bro in a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" tank top, one who's drunkenly elbowing you with his drinking arm (Bud Light, of course) as you try to sip your toasty Guinness at the pub, maybe it's time to try tequila.
Whatever you're celebrating today, slainte! And salud!
RECOMMENDED: Our guide to St. Patrick's Day in Los Angeles