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Coachella 2016, weekend 1, day 3
Photograph: Kate Wertheimer

The most insane things we overheard at Coachella 2016

Michael Juliano
Written by
Michael Juliano

There's something about the scorching sun, near-religious musical experiences and copious amounts of drugs that bring out the best in people at Coachella. By "best," we're of course referring to the absolutely bananas nonsense that flies from festival-goers' mouths over the course of three days. Here, presented with as little context as possible—hey, we were overhearing, not eavesdropping—are the most insane things we heard at Coachella 2016.

"When they start patting me down, I'm like, 'Oh, hey girl, heeeyyy.'"

"So tomorrow there's no wind emojis. It's just sun."

"Are you doing oxygen? Before you drive?!"

"We were rocking so hard. My neck almost fell off."
"My neck is broken."

"I could seriously live the rest of my life with just juice."

"This is like, one of my favorite Coachella days like, ever. It's my third Coachella."

"Does anybody know any jokes? I just made up the Amelia Earhart one."

"I'll have a piña colada."
"And I'll have... what's that one with tequila and like, salt?"
"A margarita, bro!"

"It's this fucking thing, these fucking things and that fucking thing."

"He wanted to take me to Turks and Caicos in a private jet. And I was nervous! I don't know this guy."

"This is for Slash."

"The first time I did coke with my aunt, we were getting ready for her annual Easter party."

"I know they're underage girls, but I give 'em a 10."

"She looks like she's having an orgasm in this photo."
"It's like that Manet painting..."

"If you have a voice at the end of this, you have failed your moral obligation to this band."

"We've transcended allergies!"

"I bet there are a couple kids here conceived at a Guns N' Roses concert."

"You've really never seen 21 Jump Street bro? Where have you been?"

"Wide stance, butt super close to the ground."
"Are these peeing tips or twerking tips?"

"I couldn't find my flag, so now everything's fucked up."

Make sure to check out the craziest things we overheard at last year's fest, too.

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