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Funny Valentine’s Day cards for unromantic people

For the special lady or gent in your life, these funny Valentine’s Day cards say “I love you” without the “Ew”

Photograph: Courtesy Bitter Whimsy
Bitter Whimsy You and Me and Tacos card

Nothing says “Be mine” quite like a traditional Valentine. But what if all those soppy love notes make you want to cringe (or vomit)? We get it: Love can be gross—especially if you’re single in the big city on Valentine’s Day. That’s why we’re grateful for greeting-card designers that just, well, get it. Whether you’ve already secured a date for February 14 or you just want to show your BFF how much you care, ditch the pricey Valentine’s Day gifts and win them over with humor. These cards are made for unromantic people—those who prefer the sound of breakup songs to love songs.

RECOMMENDED: See more Valentine’s Day ideas

Even the hardest-hearted of New Yorkers—or anyone who loves the combo of cheese and dough—feels all the feels for that most perfect of hometown creations, the pizza slice. Show your special someone you care—by comparing them to our native delicacy.

Hartland Brooklyn Slice of Heaven card, $4.50 at hartlandbrooklyn.com

When expressing mushy feelings, sometimes it’s best to pass the mic to our cherished troubadours: in this case, the dynamic duo of Hall and Oates, whose “your kiss is on my list” card is bound to spark some loving duets between you and your partner.

Debbie Draws Funny Hall and Oates card, $5.50 at etsy.com/shop/debbiedrawsfunny

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2015 was the year that Drake invaded our smartphones, tablets, computers and brains, so why not let him into our love lives, too? Tell your baby you want to old-school booty-call him/her with this fantastic card from Urban Outfitters.

Tay Ham Hotline Bling card, $5.50 at urbanoutfitters.com

Behind love and sex, the third-best thing in life is, for many of us, tacos (or maybe it is placed higher on your list). Shower your Valentine with love with this card that unites romance with everyone’s favorite street food.

Bitter Whimsy You and Me and Tacos card, $4 at etsy.com/shop/bitterwhimsy

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Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus (RIP)—aka Milli Vanilli—may have gone down like a lead zeppelin in 1990, but we still have “Girl You Know It’s True” stuck in our heads. Lip-sync your lady’s praises—on repeat—with this adorable card.

Bete Noire Design Milli Vanilli card, $5.50 at etsy.com/shop/betenoiredesign.com

True love knows no bounds and certainly isn’t constrained by silly grooming mores. Thank your man for being there for you in all your unplucked, unwaxed and unshaved glory with this feisty bit of stationery.

Sioux Alice shaving card, $3.38 at etsy.com/shop/siouxalice

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Once a murky territory of hookups and hurt feelings, Tinder is increasingly morphing into a legit dating website. If you met your forever friend (or for-now friend) on the thumb-exercising app, thank him/her with this cheeky card.

Bettie Confetti Tinder card, $4.14 at etsy.com/shop/bettieconfetti

Comparing love to food is an age-old trope, and this Brooklyn-printed card (where else?) goes the ramen route, honoring your beloved with a decidedly delicious-looking bowl of the omnipresent Japanese soup.

Greet ‘N’ Potatoes Ramen-tic card, $5 at greetnpotatoes.com

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If you want to go naughty with your V-Day sentiments, this card gets right to the point, making it the perfect choice for either a long-term or a short-term love. Go forth and get busy, Romeos and Juliets.

BE Paperie Naughty Valentine’s Day card, $4 at etsy.com/shop/bepaperie

Speaking of getting naughty, nothing demonstrates love like the switch from just-started-dating lacy underthings to we’re-in-a-relationship-now granny panties. Commemorate the occasion with this cute card from People I’ve Loved.

People I’ve Loved I Like You I Love You card, $5 at peopleiveloved.com

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Comments

1 comments
Patricia M

Happy valentines day honey after 10 yrs I love u just as I did then and will always