The 12 best strip clubs in Miami for making it rain

E11EVEN has become a globally recognized institution in Miami with its own vodka brand, forthcoming residences (yes, you can live across the street) and clothing (sported globally – because OMFG the hats are so comfortable). This strip club is as much entertainment as it is spectacle, thanks to huge music bookings, crazy lights and live aerial acrobatics. But for all the characteristics of a strip club that this 24/7 nightlife juggernaut has, it's technically not not a strip club. For example, there are topless dancers--many of them--swinging around on poles and collecting dollar bills in thongs that leave little to the imagination. Private dances are available upstairs too.

Scarlett's in Hallandale Beach packs in five bars and five seating areas perched in front of some serious twerking talent. The late-night crowd here is strong on the weekends (thanks to the 8am closing time on Friday and Saturday). Brace for what's normally a $20-ish cover fee at the door and a dress code that forbids shorts and sandals for dudes. Monday through Friday, enjoy $100 bottles from noon to 8pm. Sunday through Tuesday, bottles go for $150 all night--which is actually a good deal for strip clubs. The spot also has a free lunch special Monday through Friday from Noon to 3 p.m.

Davie, just west of Fort Lauderdale, is now in our strip club consideration set thanks to this spot. With "The Sexy Circus" as its tagline, Vixen's Cabaret lives up to just that with nightly acrobatic performers that swirl fire, dance through hoops and do some crazy-ass stunts. Big DJs have been known to pop in too, to the likes of Paul Oakenfold and Markus Schulz, adding that much more to the fiesta.

This classic, full-nude Miami strip joint is known to serve some surprisingly tasty food. Tootsie's features a full-service restaurant with breakfast, lunch and dinner (Rick Ross apparently loves their lemon pepper wings). Sometimes you'll even see a line out the door... of people just ordering takeout. The two-level club is absolutely huge (it's dubbed itself the world's largest strip club, though we sadly can't personally confirm this claim) and it's also quite impressive with six stages, four bars, over 300 TVs and a 400-square-foot main stage with two 32-foot poles.

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The Office is a slightly smaller strip club, but this place still has a full kitchen and bar, plus $15 hookah before 6pm. Things get pretty cozy on weekend nights, as the place usually gets packed with a standing-room-only crowd. The Office is only a 10-minute drive from Hard Rock Stadium if your crew is trying to get rowdy after watching the 'Fins. Entry is free until 8 p.m. nightly.

Strip club aficionados have been going to Cheetah in Hallandale Beach for years. The sizable, fully nude club has six stages, three different levels, a cigar selection and, of course, a small army of talented dancers. Admission is on the more affordable end: free until 7pm, $10 from 7 to 9pm and $20 after 9pm daily. And get this: The club does free lunch every day from 11:30am to 3pm. There's free wi-fi when you need to rifle off a work-email.

Gold Rush is the second coming of an infamous Miami strip club that used to live in Downtown. Gold Rush 2.0 offers only a small sampling of the mayhem that used to go down there, but this club still knows how to party – and the Cajun spiced quesadilla for $15 is definitely a draw. The vibe is club-like with plenty of flashing LED lights and a lit DJ, but rest assured the dancers go all in. Just be sure to observe the dress code--dudes who show up in shorts risk paying extra to get in. 

Known as the Foxxy Lady since 1983, this petite, centrally located strip club earns praise for its cleanliness, body positivity, friendly staff and good vibes. Cover is typically $20 on weekends, dances go for $10 and there's free parking on-site. Also $10 are private dances, which is a bargain. Despite its smaller size, Sexxy Lady doesn't skip out on popular amenities like hookah service, and there are usually food trucks parked outside.

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Located in Coral Gables off Bird Road, Playmates has stepped up its game in recent months under new ownership. It’s more of a laidback and approachable party vibe here, but you can still expect bottle service, a VIP room, a full kitchen, hookah and, of course, friendly, fully nude dancers.

The fellas get on stage and shake it for some cash at this Miami institution. LaBare is a favorite for bachelorette parties, birthdays or anyone trying to bring their Magic Mike fantasies to life. They offer some not-too-shabby party packages for groups of five to eight guests, and all parties receive a bottle of free house champagne just for showing up. If you're a dude, prepare to pay a bigger cover charge.

Bellas is a cabaret near the airport on the Miami River that hits just the right balance between classy and divey. Devotees rave about the laid-back vibes, nice-looking (fully nude) women, cheaper drinks and substantial cigar menu. Plus, Booby Trap is a few minutes down the road, meaning you're bound to find something you like. The spot is open from 5 p.m. to 5 a.m., making for 12 solid hours of debauchery.

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You will see some insane things at G5ive, where the dancers perform wild stunts on a nightly basis. It gets nuts here, and if you want a night that feels like a rap video, well, this might be your best bet. One time we saw a video from G5ive where a dancer shot fire from a, uh, certain area.