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News / City Life

10 people that should be permanently banned from the subway

10 people that should be permanently banned from the subway
Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/Ken Stein

The New York subway tunnels are the arteries and veins for getting millions of New Yorkers where they need to go, and back. Unfortunately, anytime you put that many people together for anything, there’s bound to be plenty of assholes. (Or maybe that's just NYC)

Here is a list of the charmers and mental giants you may encounter:  

The Bouncer

The person who stands directly in front of the doors, as if they’re checking IDs before you get on and off the train.

The Prepper

The person who gets up on a crowded train two stops before their actual stop to prepare to depart, as if the train door opens for only one second per station. 

The Model

The person who's decided the subway car is their personal boudair and the perfect place to apply all of their make-up.

The Drinker

The person who blatantly drinks or smokes on train before eventually passing out.

The Music Man

Solo or with a group, they will perform a song that lasts the length of time in between stops and then hit you up for $$.  

Mr. “Showtime”

A combination of The DJ and The Music Man, this talented dance ensemble will provide you abysmal music and hit you up for $$.

The DJ

The person who has decided that their abysmal choice of music should be the soundtrack for your commute.

The Body Double

This is the idiot with the large backpack that has now doubled their depth, painfully unaware that every time they spin they knock over multiple people. 

Bag Man\Lady

The least offensive of the bunch, except that their collection of plastic bags, knapsacks, and carry-on luggage takes up three seats.

The Seat-Runners

The person who will knock down a blind, pregnant, one-legged grandmother to get a seat.  Hell awaits you my friend.  

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Comments

11 comments
Joe V

y'all made me laugh, thank you! but homie has been in texas for 35 years. before that, cali. before that florida,.. when i take my family to NYC my loving home town, I will not ever take a subway again,. thank Christ, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, oh, remember the Krishna's on the subways. That's about the last time I was on them, the early 70s, lol. been on so many, times,..been through all those scenarios, & more,. take a load off people, get the hell out of NYC,..God Bless to all,..!

Joe R M

No mention of "da funk": a homeless person that smells so bad "da funk" that follows them needs its own private subway car! (aka, that car is empty for a reason.)

How about people that shove their way on as soon as the doors open? Let people get off so there's room for you! It's basic physics :two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

Daniela B

Just last week in a crowded 7 train, a lady screamed at a man for brushing against her. Mind you, this was at about 5:15 PM when everyone is going back home. She started screaming and arguing with everyone around her and ended up getting kicked out at the next stop. It was golden. 


So yeah, people who think that public transportation is only for them and that they can make "first class demands" should also be banned. Want to be comfortable? Take an Uber. 

Charles D

@Daniela B He should have grabbed her ass with both hands and squeezed repeatedly so she had something to scream about, LOL. Sounds like she is uptight and needs the horizontal mambo to relax her. It has probably been awhile for her. Imagine being stuck with her? God help anyone who ends up with her.

John P

What about those people who start preaching about God?

Charles D

@John P We can never hear enough about God. I don't mind that at all.

Kay S

Really!? Aren't you the guy that just suggested above that a woman needed to be sexually assaulted? Because some how, that's an appropriate response to a woman getting on your nerves? What a d*ck!

Karan Singh B

There's nothing wrong with the singers. They're entertaining

Roxane N

You forgot One important thing... Those people that Don't know how The Fuck to MOVE IN so other people can board! SERIOUSLY !!!