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10 things Kim Kardashian will probably write at her 5th Avenue book signing today

Jillian Anthony

Here's a question: What kind of person would wait in line overnight to have Kim Kardashian sign a book of her own selfies? The answer: Hundreds of lost souls that may have nothing more in common than a voyeuristic addiction to those lips and dat ass. People have been lining up outside the Barnes and Noble on 5th Avenue and 46th Street since 7:30pm last night for the chance to meet the Selfish "author" herself. She's officially appearing today at 12:30 if you want to get in on the action (godspeed), but you better know what you're going to ask her to sign your book with after waiting all that time. Here's the top things we'd want her to write in ours:

10. "Monique, yes me and Beyonce have a great friendship and no I did not steal her Met Gala look from last year—really! Why don't you believe me?!"

9. "Don't worry, Jennifer who works at Urban Outfitters—I used to be Paris Hilton's personal assistant, and now I've been on the cover of Vogue! Anything can happen!"

8. "Serena, the true definition of luxury is having your husband dress both you and your toddler. Get on my level."

7. "Marcus, you may have waited 15 hours to see me, but I had to leave the Hamptons to get here, so who's really suffering?"


6. "Larissa, yeah I guess I see what you're saying about Scott (we can call him Scott, you should call him Lord Disick) being a pretty bad husband and father, but he is, like, so funny right?"


5. "Danielle, my book of selfies, much like Rome, wasn't built in a day. Keep practicing your head tilt, duck lips and angles, and one day maybe you'll get an art book of your own."

4. "Samantha, my book is on fleek! Your eyebrows could use some work though..." 

3. "Sarah, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have a cavity. I can smell it."

2. "Michael, you are super kool and I'm so happy you kame to kick it with me and my krew today. Keep up with the Kardashians konstantly, bb!"

1. "Cameron, you tried to tell me a story about how you broke your phone when you were trying to take a selfie like me and dropped it, but I don't really have time for your stories in between cellulite treatments and breaking the internet with my butt." 

Kim K


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