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10 ways you know you’re single and in your 30s in New York

By Aja Nisenson
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With a population of more than 8 million people, there have to be some single people in New York, right? I mean, not everyone can be married or engaged or in a serious relationship. But once you're in your 30s and all your friends are pairing off or getting hitched, you start to wonder if there’s still hope for you. It can be sort of infuriating, especially when your mother calls and starts asking when you’re finally going to settle down.

If you're single, in your 30s and living in New York, life can be a bit taxing. In the rare case that you temporarily forget your age and relationship status, here are 10 experiences that will definitely remind you that you're aging and alone in the greatest city in the world. 

1. Instead of being carded at the liquor store, you get mistaken for someone’s mother.

2. You’ve given up on online dating and have decided to just date Jack Daniel's (after you get rejected by your local bodega owner for the umpteenth time).

3. You bought a dog even though you know it’s impractical. And you can’t afford a pet walker, a leash or a collar—but you need companionship, dammit. That, and dog parks seem to be the only sensible place to meet another lonely person.

4. Going out to a bar on a Saturday night now seems terrible, so you find weekend companionship in a blanket, a jar of peanut butter and your Netflix account.

5. Your friends are always trying to fix you up with that “cute” guy from their office. You know, the one who has a unibrow and went to the office Christmas party with his mother.

6. Little kids point at you in the park and yell, “Look Mommy, a loner! I wonder if she doesn’t have any friends.” To which the mother replies, “No, honey, she’s just single." 

7. You get ”dressed up” for the pest control guy to come and spray your place for bed bugs. Hey, you never know. He might have a brother... or a sister.

8. You’ve convinced yourself that the reason you’re single is because you’re focusing on your career. Not the fact that you never go out and have severe intimacy and commitment problems and your mother nursed you until you were five.

9. You think a dentist appointment is a “date” because any form of intimacy feels a bit romantic at this point. You know your dentist likes you because of the way he touches your mouth—and you get all numb and tingly… oh wait, that’s the Novocain.

10. You started hanging out in IKEA and asking arguing couples out on dates. If Swedish meatballs, fries and a slice of apple pie doesn’t scream date night, I don’t know what does. Add in a dollop of lingonberry jam and you’ve got real romance.

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