Pretty soon, delinquent taxi drivers may have to get as creative as underperforming restaurants when it comes to dealing with public (and potentially embarrassing) letter grades. Get ready to see a lot of signs advertising Brakes! and Brisk Service!
City Councilman Carlos Menchaca is reportedly finalizing details on a bill that would assign letter grades to taxi drivers the same way the city currently evaluates bars and restaurants. That means a giant paper C could one day make you think twice about getting in a cab the same way it currently makes you (almost) reconsider that spontaneous brunch spot.
“It’s a great thing,” said Noah Budnick, a spokesperson for the advocacy group Transportation Alternatives. “Accountability is essential to saving lives. It’s a very strong accountability proposal.”
But let’s be honest, if you were really in a rush to get somewhere, would you actually decide not to get in a cab if it had a below-A rating? In fact, we can think of quite a few aspects of New York life that could use a letter grading system much more than cabs:
- Stores based on level of rudeness: F for "Fucking rude!" and A for "Absolutely delightful!"
- Elevators, especially at subway stations: It would be nice to know before you get in if you're going to be required to hold your breath for four minutes to get down one level.
- Leg room in Broadway theaters
- Dog walkers (F if they lose the dog.)
- Street-meat vendors
- Ice cream trucks, even though it would be a major buzzkill
- CMJ Showcases, though they might have to grade on a curve
- Waterways (Looking at you, Gowanus)
- Bodegas: based solely on their quality of late-night snacks
- "Delivery" "Services" (you know what we mean...)
- Bus routes: Why do some come all the time and some never come at all? The eternal mystery.
- Subway performers. F for the platform hogs, A for the future stars.