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15 guilty pleasures of 2015

By Ben Lerman
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As the year comes to a close, we're taking a look back at all the things we were embarrassed about loving this year. Here are our top 15. 

1. Bieber’s wiener. Sure, a young man’s privacy was invaded in a very real way by a paparazzo who exploited it for his financial benefit. On the other hand, it made us laugh about where we are as a society. Let the healing begin. Also it helped that week’s watchability of SNL.

2. Pizza Rat. Rats never do anything adorable. They might scurry from a heap of trash to a gutter and take a bite of your toe along the way. But who could watch that rat drag a slice of pizza down the stairs and not see their own humanity in the little guy?

3. Hating American Horror Story: Hotel. Is it over yet? We don’t even know if there are more episodes of AHS: Hotel this season, the worst to date. The confusing time-skipping plot lines, boring characters and stilted Gaga performances are infuriating, occasionally saved by some one-liner camp from Angela Bassett. This year the show we loved officially became the show we love to hate.

4. Chick-fil-a in Manhattan. New Yorkers can’t stay away from the new-to-Manhattan Herald Square location. Now that gay marriage is legal everywhere, maybe we can move past Chick-fil-a’s conservative Christian opposition to it. One fact emerges: while all marriages are equal, all chickens are not.

5. Chipotle delivery. We know it can kills us, yet we keep coming back. And now, we don’t even have to show our faces. No one has to know but the delivery guy. We spill a little rice out of the burrito to honor our E. Coli homies in Beantown.

6. Quantico. No matter how bad the dialogue gets, this awful crime drama is still populated with the sexiest recruits the FBI has ever known. The biggest question this show raises: Why does law enforcement wear so many clothes?

7. Avocado Toast. Like chumps, we have been making avocado toast for ourselves forever. Now it seems like every sandwich board in the city touts their A-Toast. Why did it take us so long to recognize how much better it is when someone else makes it for us and charges $8? Oh, yeah, because it’s the easiest thing in the world to make and we are ashamed of our apparent laziness.

8. Fried chicken sandwiches. Thanks to Fuku and Shake Shack, the chicken sandwich is back in our lives, our hearts and our guts. So yummy. So fried.

9. Drake's “Hotline Bling” In the club, in a cab, at Target, at the beach, standing on the corner when a teenager’s car rolls by with the windows down... we can’t not dance to the summer of 2015’s greatest jam. Just when we think we’re done, we hear it again, and… JAM! We just can’t shake this one off.  

10. Oreos Thins. What is there to feel guilty about? I mean the word “thin” is the very name of America’s new favorite cookie.

11. Jurassic World. Can’t. Look. Away. Chris Pratt is too adorable.

12. Reaching the man bun tipping point. In 2014, you couldn’t throw a wheel of artisinal cheese without hitting a freakin’ man bun in this town. We love that the beginning of the end arrived in 2015. We feel guilty that we even brought this up.

13. Alcohol delivery. OK, first of all, YOU DON’T KNOW ME! But Drizzly, Minibar and Amazon Prime do. Do I have a drinking problem? Not anymore. I was out of booze before. But now these companies are bringing it to my door. Ssthlanks!

14. Left shark. We like Katy Perry like most people do, that is to say, sure, yeah, ok whatever. But we were enthusiastic fans of the improvised, syncopated dance stylings of her Halftime Show backup dancer from the sea. Right shark was a slave to choreography. Left Shark used the steps as a suggestion, and let his freak flag fly all over the stage.

15. The return of 90s fashions. We’ve seen a lot of crop tops, overalls, choker necklaces and bucket hats. We hate it, because our youth didn’t come back too. But we love thinking that Left Eye will rise from the grave for a complete TLC reunion. 

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