With today’s snowstorm, it finally feels like winter has arrived in the city. The colder months are definitely not the easiest to get through in NYC, but with a little planning you should be able to make it to May in one piece. The same can probably not be said for all of your shoes. Here are some tips on tackling winter like a real New Yorker.
• Always stands at least 10 feet away from gutter puddles to avoid inevitable dousing from passing cab.
• Make sure your winter coat is equipped with GHB. Not drugs, but gloves, hat and balm.
• Know the precise location on every subway platform where hot air is expelled. Savor that moment.
• Know which store owners are quicker at cleaning snow, and walk on that side of the street.
• Try to walk as straight as possible through sidewalk snow paths. Your morning commute should eventually resemble The Legend of Zelda, making use of clear paths an right-angle turns.
• The fashion/survival threshold is exactly 18 degrees. Anything less, and you are allowed to wear whatever is necessary in order to survive. Above 18, and you are still in New York City so dress accordingly.
• It is acceptable to not lift your head for blocks at a time to avoid getting bitch slapped by the wind.
• Carrying multiple pairs of shoes to the office/happy hour bar, so they aren’t ruined by the rock salt or slush puddles, is a necessity.
• You could also just not leave your apartment. That’s an option, too.
• Don’t stop to admire the snow in the middle of the street. Keep walking, cursing under your breath, until you are once again inside. Once there, admire other people’s photos of the snow on your Instagram.
• Never think that you can’t walk ten blocks through a blizzard in order to make a dinner reservation. You can, and you will.
• Hell, you’ll probably walk through a blizzard just to go on a bodega run.
• Who cares if it’s 10 degrees out? Order that iced coffee. This is your life.
• Complain about the weather.