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Photograph: Courtesy Creative Commons/Flickr/Anthony Quintano

17 signs you’ve been out of New York for too long

Will Gleason

After spending a significant amount of time outside the city, you may return with some very different views on NYC than the majority of people around you. (There are a lot of New York minutes in a year, after all.) Here are a few telltale signs that you’ve been outside the five boroughs for a bit too long.

1. You ask someone where that gigantic, narrow trash can of a building looming over Central Park came from and if it absolutely has to stay.

2. You're taken aback by the Minority Report-like experience of transferring trains at Fulton Center or walking through the WTC Transportation Hub.

3. Pondering the meta fact that Citi Bikes (already kind of an advertisement) now sell ad space takes up at least half a day.

4. You ask a friend if they want to go and try to get a cronut and they laugh in your face.

5. Someone asks you if you want to meet up for drinks in the Financial District and you're like, "I'm sorry, what?"

6. You're surprised you can't use subway tokens anymore.

7. You ask a broker to show you affordable apartments in Williamsburg and wonder why they're all studios with shared bathrooms.

8. You thought your last job working 9am-6pm constituted "long hours." You're quickly reminded that they did not. 

9. Your foolproof plan to buy your nephew the perfect birthday present at FAO Schwarz turns out to be not so fool proof.

10. You see so many attractive, well-dressed people walking around Soho that you almost hyperventilate. 

11. Actually, just walking around any neighborhood makes you almost hyperventilate. 

12. You ask a friend what bands are playing at the McCarren Pool this summer.

13. You pretend you're Carrie Bradshaw walking down the sidewalk.

14. You still reference Sex and the City.

15. You wonder why all these pale green cabs haven't ripened into actual cabs yet.

16. You realize you need to buy a completely new wardrobe.

17. And that you should probably never leave New York for that long ever again.


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