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18 New Yorker new year resolutions we've already broken

18 New Yorker new year resolutions we've already broken
Photograph: Shutterstock

By Time Out contributors, edited by Sophie Harris

So did you make any resolutions for the New Year? Of course you did! New York is to dreamers what peanut butter is to jelly—a perfect match. But a week into that Xtreme, Paleo, no-sugar diet/Insanity workout/promise to be kind to each and every squirrel in the park, chances are you have faltered a little in your resolve. And for that, be glad! Dreamers we may be, but we'll take a pinch of realism with our grand plans. It's what makes Gotham the greatest city in the world. Here's our list of New Year's resolutions we've already broken. Tell us yours in the comments below.

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1. To maintain a positive attitude about the arctic weather in New York. Thanks for your help, cold "snap."


2. To go outside to see actual friends. Now way harder with Friends on Netflix.

3. To stop wasting rent money and finding a better apartment for a lower cost. Also on the list: Take a ride on a golden unicorn.


4. To take fewer cabs and Ubers to save money but oh my God it sure did get cold today maybe just this once and wow is it snowing I can't walk in this.


5. To get outside and enjoy NATURE.


6. To be sure to always make the most of every minute of living in New York and all its wondrous attractions. How are we supposed to do this when SVU is always, always on?


7. To eat healthily. When we can buy a slice of salad for a dollar, we’ll talk, okay?


8. To moderate our alcohol intake. Ha. Haha! Aahahahahaha. Yeah, no.


9. To finish a goddamn book for change. Yep. On it. Right after this episode of The Walking Dead.


10. To opt for pickup instead of delivery. Okay, the pizza place is a block away, but stairs.


11. To lug all the (perfectly good) crap you own down to Housing Works. The garbage bags are packed but, again, stairs.


12. To eat less bread. Oh, wait, bagels are delicious. Nevermind.


13. To quit smoking! Oh, wait, Monday after the vacation you found a pack in a jacket pocket and smoked two before work! Ugh, well, leftovers don't count, right?


14. To do more yoga! You bought a class card, signed up for a class and…slept through it. Le sigh.


15. To sleep eight hours a night (and/or go to bed before 2am).


16. To cook at home a lot more. (This resolution goes out the window when the one about drinking less does and you come home late and drunk-order Thai for delivery. Again.)


17. To keep our cool during the morning commute. No amount of positive thinking can keep you from screaming at the guy playing Candy Crush with the volume on full blast (ca-ching ca-ching ca-ching!). Or at least imagining it.


18. Vowing to cut down on swearing and then thinking, Fuck it, this is New York.

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