By Time Out contributors, edited by Sophie Harris
Hey, did we ever tell you how much we love our city? Far be it from us to show off (ahem, 50 reasons why New York is the greatest city in the world), but we figured that what with it being January and a little chilly and all, you could probably do with some cockle-warming reminders of Gotham's total awesomeness in the winter. And what better way to affirm that than with a healthy seasonal smackdown with Chicago? We've stepped up to the challenge before with our confidently titled and 100-percent-accurate reasons New York kicks Chicago's ass, and now it's time to step up to the boxing ring of truth once more. Are you ready, Chicago? Sorry, we couldn't hear you through the steel-plated snood and bearskin-lined onesie you're wearing. Let's do it!
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1. Tourists from all over the world come to New York in winter because they want to. No one goes to Chicago in the winter unless their plane has been rerouted.
2. We don’t let a little thing like weather affect our innate fashion sense. (Also: We have an innate fashion sense.)
3. When our pizza arrives, it's not an ice-cold frisbee that requires reheating. Did we say frisbee? We meant four-inch-deep cheese-cement block.
4. Have you seen Central Park in the snow?
5. While PS1's summer Warm Up series may be dark, we do still have the Sunday Sessions concert series inside of MoMA's lovely (and warm) geodesic dome all winter.
6. Our musicians have perfectly scored our city; any song by the Velvet Underground is made to be listened to in NYC in the winter.
7. Same goes for Paul Simon. Throw on "American Tune" or "The Boxer" on a crisp day in Gotham, and let your heart soar.
8. If, by windchill you mean bracing, then fine, you can stay in New York. If you mean, "Like being slapped around the face repeatedly while standing naked in a refrigerator", then by all means hop on over to anywhere near Lake Michigan.
9. The only "lake effect" we have would be the name of a short-lived indie-rock band that appears ironically in an HBO comedy—set in New York, where TV is supposed to take place.
10. Guess your elevated trains aren't so charming when it's 15 degrees below zero, huh?
11. Every January, we show the world the future of opera with the Prototype Festival.
12. Six breweries opened in NYC within the last year. And drinking their sweet booze is a killer way to warm those bones. How many breweries opened recently in Chi again?
13. Was Michigan Avenue designed as a wind tunnel, or is that just a nice side effect?
14. We don't have to dress like the Stay Puft marshmallow man every time we leave the house.
15. Chicago turns into a minefield of falling ice when it’s cold—their most famous buildings toss off little bullets of ice, sometimes requiring street closures. That is some medieval-style injury madness right there.
16. Gotham's glorious, classy Winter Jazzfest. We'll take ours with a hot toddy, thanks.
17. Our decision to stay indoors watching Friends reruns is a choice, not a necessity.
18. We don't have to feel bad for the delivery guy when we order takeout.
19. We don't rely on a system of tunnels and covered bridges to walk around our city during weather events. (It's called "wearing awesome boots.")
20. We have the coziest. Hangouts. Ever.
21. Fifth Avenue's Christmastime window displays are sooo purdy. The Magnificent Mile is, uh, just okay.
22. Winter in NYC is Serendipity, When Harry Met Sally and Elf. Winter in Chicago is The Fugitive.
23. See those ice chunks floating in Lake Michigan? That's your soul.
24. We pronounce that season the way you're supposed to: "Win-tuh."
25. We can actually look forward to summer in NYC, because it will be glorious without actually melting our faces off.
Now, check out Time Out Chicago's list of reasons Chicago does winter better than New York.