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Sometimes the only way to deter truly egregious behavior in a civilized society is to hang stiff penalties over the heads of would-be perpetrators. That’s why we here at Time Out are modestly proposing that some particularly vile NYC acts—from cell phone faux-pas to cloying social media posts to inexplicably loud music—should be dealt with by more than mere public shaming. The odds may be low of any of this actually becoming law (hey, we’re not lawyers), but that doesn’t mean anyone who commits these crimes can expect to get off scot-free. Luckily, New York has always been home to brave vigilantes of basic decency, willing to call out bullshit when they see it.
1. Leaning your entire body on a subway pole
2. Honking a car horn for any reason
3. Charging more than $12 for a cocktail
4. Instagramming rainbow-colored food
5. Spreading bedbugs
6. Falling asleep before your delivery guy arrives
7. Talking during a play
8. Drinking a beverage at a bodega before paying for it
9. Lamenting that your neighborhood “has really changed”
10. Shooting smartphone videos at a concert
11. Stopping in the middle of a crowded sidewalk
12. Standing in front of a subway door as it opens
13. Tossing cigarette butts onto the street or sidewalk
14. Putting your bag on the train seat next to you
15. Walking on the left side of the sidewalk
16. Playing music out loud on the train
17. Taking too long to order at a deli counter
18. Starting construction work before 10am
19. Saying an apartment with a hot plate has a “full kitchen”
20. Feeding pigeons
21. Stopping to use a selfie stick in the middle of the crowd
22. Putting your bare feet on a public place
23. Texting in a movie theater
24. Looking at your phone while walking down the street
And, finally... a crime that will always deserve the highest possible punishment:
25. Upstreaming someone for a cab