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25 things that should immediately become fine-worthy crimes in New York

Will Gleason
Written by
Will Gleason

Sometimes the only way to deter truly egregious behavior in a civilized society is to hang stiff penalties over the heads of would-be perpetrators. That’s why we here at Time Out are modestly proposing that some particularly vile NYC acts—from cell phone faux-pas to cloying social media posts to inexplicably loud music—should be dealt with by more than mere public shaming. The odds may be low of any of this actually becoming law (hey, we’re not lawyers), but that doesn’t mean anyone who commits these crimes can expect to get off scot-free. Luckily, New York has always been home to brave vigilantes of basic decency, willing to call out bullshit when they see it.

1. Leaning your entire body on a subway pole

2. Honking a car horn for any reason

3. Charging more than $12 for a cocktail

4. Instagramming rainbow-colored food

5. Spreading bedbugs

6. Falling asleep before your delivery guy arrives

7. Talking during a play

8. Drinking a beverage at a bodega before paying for it

9. Lamenting that your neighborhood “has really changed”

10. Shooting smartphone videos at a concert

11. Stopping in the middle of a crowded sidewalk

12. Standing in front of a subway door as it opens

13. Tossing cigarette butts onto the street or sidewalk

14. Putting your bag on the train seat next to you

15. Walking on the left side of the sidewalk

16. Playing music out loud on the train

17. Taking too long to order at a deli counter

18. Starting construction work before 10am

19. Saying an apartment with a hot plate has a “full kitchen”

20. Feeding pigeons

21. Stopping to use a selfie stick in the middle of the crowd

22. Putting your bare feet on a public place

23. Texting in a movie theater

24. Looking at your phone while walking down the street

And, finally... a crime that will always deserve the highest possible punishment:

25. Upstreaming someone for a cab

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