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25 ways that New York has turned you into a complete garbage person

By Tolly Wright

We here at Time Out New York wholeheartedly believe that we're living in the best city in the world, but it's not all Dominique Ansel pastries and craft cocktail bars. New York's rat-race (and rat population) is enough to fill us all with the occasional bout of anxiety and/or rage, which we may be why we sometimes let it out on others.

1. On more than one occasion you've called a popular play, tourist attraction, or even world-renowned museum, "overrated."

2. When the subway conductor announces there's a "sick passenger," you automatically hate this ill person and care nothing about their well being. Why didn't that fainter just stay home, anyway?!

3. You see somebody trying to hail a cab and you position yourself slightly better on the street so you'll get the cab first despite getting there second. 

4. If someone sneezes on the subway, your first reaction is to cower away instead of saying, "god bless you." 

5. You don't think there's anything wrong with shoving people if they're standing in the subway door.

7. Yelling at someone for stopping suddenly on a crowded sidewalk is totally acceptable in your eyes.

8. You order delivery every night because if you cooked that'd mean you'd have to stop using your oven for storage.

9. When a friend invites you to do something near Times Square, you pretend to be too busy.

10. You're unwilling to go on a date with anyone who doesn't live in your neighborhood. 

11. You've broken up with somebody because they lived off a different subway line than you.

12. You've broken up with somebody because you found someone else with a roof deck.

13. You've broken up with somebody because they gave their extra Hamilton ticket to their Broadway-loving elderly aunt instead of you.

14. If someone from Long Island or Westchester says they're from NYC you call foul—you need a five boroughs residence if you want to escape 'burb status.

15. If a stranger says hello to you on the street, you automatically do not trust them, even if she's 80 years old and wearing a nun's habit.

16. You wear ear phones everywhere, even when you're not listening to anything, just to avoid conversation.

17 .You speak openly, and loudly, about what a great deal you have on rent, because your ego feeds on apartment envy.

18. You won't tell people about your favorite new restaurant or bar, because you don't want it to become too popular.

19. You have definitely once said, "I remember that (neighborhood/restaurant/dog park/bodega) before it was cool."

20. You openly detest good press about anything in your neighborhood out of fear of rent hikes.

21. You think a hot dog from a street vendor is a perfectly acceptable mid-day snack. 

22. When visiting another city you find yourself saying, "This pizza is okay, but it's not New York pizza."

23. When visiting another city you find yourself saying, "This play is okay, but it's no Broadway."

24. When visiting another city you find yourself saying, "This Macy's is okay, but it's not the biggest store in the world."

25. Really, you're unwilling to accept the achievement of any other city, because you know that NYC is the greatest and nowhere else will do.


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