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Photograph: Courtesy Creative Commons/Flickr/heikkinen

A handy guide to whether you should stay or leave your NYE party tonight

By
Will Gleason
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Ask yourself these important questions to find out whether it's time to pack it in this NYE. —Written by Jaime Lutz

1. In text-speak, how drunk are you?
A. fsfsafdasjg
B. BITCH I can handle it lol
C. Way too sober

If you answered A, it's time to go home. If you answered B or C, proceed.

2. Have you made out with anyone yet?
A. Noooooooo
B. Like two hours ago but I lost them in a sea of Nasty Gal sequin dresses.
C. My tongue is currently in someone's mouth—and they want to continue the party at my place.

If you answered C, girl get out of there.

3. If you answered B for Question 2: Are you in walking distance of your apartment?
A. Hell to the no.
B. Yes, but going home is for losers

If you answered A, it's time to call a cab.

4. If you answered A for Question 2: Describe the party you're at in two words.
A. Mellow Yellow
B. Shit Sandwich

5. If you answered A for Question 4: Are more peeps expected to arrive?
A. Yes
B. No

If you answered B, then throw in the towel. If you answered A, proceed.

6. If you answered B for Question 4: Is there another location nearby where you could have more fun?
A. All the bars in this neighborhood have a $100 cover tonight.
B. There's a dive a few blocks away.

If you answered A, then save your money and fly home little dove. If you answered B, proceed.

7. Can you dance there?
A. Oh, yeah
B. Nope, cry in your beer vibes.

If you answered B, go home. If you answered A, proceed.

8. But it's, like, super late now, right?
A. Right
B. No, but I'm sleepy.

Go home.

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