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Girl, are you the F train? Our favorite transit-related insults

By Ned Hepburn

New Yorkers love trains. In fact, we love trains so much that we've started incorporating our favorite rides in our insults. Here's a few that have been heard around the TONY office! 

  • Girl, are you the F train? Because you're never there when I need you, and when you are, you're a hot mess. 
  • Boy, are you the R train? Because you haven't worked in two years. 
  • Girl, are you the L train? Because there's so many hipsters in you it's shameful.
  • Boy, are you the G train? Because you never, ever go outside of your borough and you're a colossal disappointment. 
  • Girl, are you the S train? Because you're never gonna go very far. 
  • Boy, are you the 1 train? Because you're way too busy but very well connected. 
  • Girl, are you the A train? Because what the fuck is that smell. 
  • Boy, are you the E train? Because I don't see myself going very far with you at night. 
  • Girl, are you the C train? Because you saved my ass getting home the other night. 
  • Boy, are you the 2, 4 or 5 train? Because you confuse the living fuck out of me. 
  • Girl, are you the J or Z train? Because you have an identity crisis. 
  • Boy, are you the 7 local train? Because ain't nobody got time for that. 
  • Girl, are you the LIRR? Because you're the manic pixie dream train in that you make escapism way too convenient.
  • Boy, are you the 6 train? Because you're not as good as reports say you are.
  • Girl, are you the planned Second Avenue T train? Because you're taking forever to come.
  • Boy, are you the M train? Because you're never around on weekends.
  • Girl, are you the JFK AirTrain? Because I feel like we're just going in circles.


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