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Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/Garrett Ziegler

Much like our nation, our country’s psychic groundhogs are divided

By
Will Gleason
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In our increasingly fractured media landscape, it can be hard to separate the truth from the lies. For instance, this morning, our country’s two most-renowned groundhog psychics, Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck, gave completely different forecasts with regards to the impending arrival of spring. 

Pennsylvania’s Phil saw his shadow, reporting that we are all doomed to suffer through six more weeks of winter, while New York City’s Chuck (who is actually a lady groundhog) did not see her shadow, claiming an early spring. 

We, however, are not falling for Propaganda Phil’s blatant #fakenews this time around! Not only does Staten Island Chuck have a higher success rate compared to Phil (80 percent to 39 percent), Mrs. Chuck has seen tragedy first-hand and knows that mistakes have consequences.

Chuck now returns to her home at the Staten Island Zoo until the famed forecaster will be called on once again next February.

Here's to an early spring!

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