Back in May, we begged couples to please stop attaching padlocks to the Brooklyn Bridge. We felt this was a pretty reasonable request: the Brooklyn Bridge is one of the most beautiful structures in New York, after all, and seeing it covered in thousands of cheap padlocks doesn’t exactly improve the view. Some people don’t agree, however, and not only are folk continuing to clip on the locks, many are even cheaping out on that, and instead are just trying random bits of trash to it.
It seems people are now tying any old junk in their pockets to the railings, including, according to the Daily News’ story, tissues, tampons and condoms. Also making an appearance are knotted headphones (ugh) and bras (great, let’s turn the Brooklyn Bridge into Jeremy’s Ale House). Couples: If the strength of your love is best summed up by the act of tying a sanitary product to a metal fence, you need to have a conversation beginning with the words, “We need to talk” some time in the next five seconds.
The fad has gone from irritating to downright gross, so for people considering following the trend, we’ve prepared a small FAQ below. We sincerely hope it will help prevent couples from making more terrible decisions.
FAQ: SHOULD I TIE THIS THING I FOUND IN MY POCKET TO THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE?
Hey! So, like, I totally love my girlfriend/boyfriend/other and stuff, and right now we’re standing on the Brooklyn Bridge together and we’re having kind of a moment, and it’s all beautiful and stuff?
That is not a question.
Oh, right, yeah, so…yeah. So, we want to like, tie something to the bridge to like, symbolize our love, and stuff?
Still not a question. Please stop ending all your sentences like questions. It’s very irritating.
Oh yeah. So, I found an old tissue in my pocket. Should I tie it to the bridge?
Because it is garbage, and tying bits of garbage to a national landmark a) greatly diminishes the beauty of said landmark and b) says things about your love that maybe you shouldn’t be making public in the first place.
Oh. So like, what if I tied my headphones up there instead?
But these are like, my third favorite pair, they came free with my iPad?
No. Just…just stop talking. You are clearly an idiot.
So you’re saying I should go and buy a padlock instead?
No! An MTA worker will snip it off with a pair of bolt cutters five seconds after you leave it there, so any symbolism it has for your undying love is meaningless.
So what should I tie to the bridge?
Nothing! Tie nothing to the bridge. Enjoy the view. Make out. Propose there, even. But for the love of God, stop covering it with garbage.