With winter comes a raging case of SAD along with regular sadness about being single for the holidays...again. As a result, your hookup standards become a little more forgiving and you find yourself in the company of these lovely characters (occasionally against your better judgment). Maybe you should know better, but New Yorkers are known for acting like twentysomethings long after turning 30, and this is what dating apps are for, anyway—sloppy hookups. Now go get out the mistletoe.
The person from your hometown
You head home for the holidays ready to brag to all the people outside NYC about how fantastic your life is. But then you find yourself at the one small-town bar that every single person in your graduating class winds up at, and all of a sudden you're face-to-face with your first crush and swooning hard. Sure, they're still working a retail job and living in their parents' basement, but they were so popular in high school! That still counts for something, right? Right?
A random tourist on Tinder
With holiday vacations comes a slew of tourists trolling Tinder, so now's your chance to give travel tips (and other tips) to that hunky Australian or direct an Irishman to the best bar. Just remember, they're still a tourist, so there's a good chance they'd rather drag you along to Central Park, the Statue of Liberty and Madison Square Garden in one day than Netflix and chill.
A drunk coworker
You swear you're going to be professional, dammit, but then there was that pesky open bar at the office holiday party. Just make sure you grab someone from a different department, and not, you know, your boss, otherwise there's going to be one awkward elevator ride on Monday.
Your good ol' booty call
It's been six months since you started "dating," but you still don't text before midnight and you're not actually going to say "Merry Christmas" or, God forbid, get them a gift. But they're reliable, appreciative when your roommates are out of town and uninterested in small talk about how warm it is this year or your emotions (ugh).
Something about the holidays makes your exes come out of the woodwork, sending seemingly innocuous seasons greetings at just the wrong moment. Then, even though they're the one you could justifiably ghost on, they go on to say they "just miss talking to you" right when you're watching Love Actually with your sister and her boyfriend cuddling on the opposite end of the couch. Yeah, it's tempting, and a throwback makeout session can be as comforting as staying in your childhood bedroom. Just avoid the twin bed.
The last resort
Remember that date you blew off the other week because they misspelled a text? The person named Tinder Guy No. 3 in your phone suddenly don't seem so bad when you're yearning for proof that you're not completely alone in the world as your Facebook feed fills up with romantic NYC engagement photos.
A complete stranger
This one's easy, especially when you're at a holiday party where the one person you know is MIA or you find yourself at a lonely dive bar with the other unfortunate souls who didn't take off work for the week. Come up with a cheesy pickup line about Santa's naughty list and go make some new friends (with benefits).